That moment when you remember that thing you were supposed to do, a few hours before you're supposed to do it. It hit me earlier, that I'd intended to attend a book discussion with a group of ladies today, and I had yet to even get the book, much less read it. I frantically looked online to find out the author and possible local vendors. As I read the discriptions of the book, I froze in my tracks. It sounded like yet another "Chicken soup for the Soccer Mom's soul" sort of books. You know the kind, all about encouraging women as they cart around their eighty billion children, run marathons and make dinner for their insanely hot husbands. Those sort of books are what 90% of Christian women's book studies are studying. I know there are women who find them incredibly encouraging, and devour them hungrily, but I am not one of those people. 9 times out of 10, I end up tossing the book aside, and the book studies end up being more discouraging than a blessing. I plaster a smile on my face, and pretend that yes, the chapter on praying your child through potty training was the most inspirational nugget of wisdom I have ever read, and I applied it immediately to my life.
In Christian culture, there seems to be this belief that your single years are kind of unimportant and largely just the staging area for "real life", meaning marriage and children. I hear so many people say things like, "yeah, my single years were fun, but I couldn't wait to move on to the stuff that matters, like having a family." This perception of singlehood being one big party is inaccurate, dangerous and irritating. To walk away believing that your life is somehow meaningless because you don't have a mate and haven't procreated, is indescribably disheartening. If I hear one more well meaning person say, "Wait til you get married and have kids, then you'll have real problems!", I may scream. It is typically said without malice, but certainly with complete ignorance.
Trying to bare your soul to a married person can be absolutely mind-numbing at times. Every response begins with, "Before I got married...", and usually ends with a hint that marriage may be your saving grace in any situation. What's sad is that even people who have only recently been married, somehow undergo this change overnight, and are almost excited to join the "winning" team. Newly wed friends, LOVE to give their sad, single buds uninvited advice and pity. Their relief over no longer being among the singles crowd is palpable.
All this to say, there needs to be a better response to singles special needs from the church. Sometimes we just need our own women's book studies with books selected by other singles. We need groups where singles minister to each other. I know, typically they want a married person ministering to single to supposedly keep things safe, but it's not always best. A constant diet of happily married couples can lead to quite a bit of lusting and ill content for the single person. By lusting, I mean, wanting marriage in an unhealthy way. Letting thoughts of it consume you. Placing marriage on the throne of your heart, where Jesus is supposed to abide. At any rate, I will continue to find a solution to my issue of wanting more fellowship with women, but not wanting to have to sit through yet another book study in which I start daydreaming about stabbing my eyeballs out.
Showing posts with label Christian living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christian living. Show all posts
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Please don't stop the music!
I was driving back to my parents house after a long day at work and some significant time killing, when I started thinking about heaven. At work, while I was baking my frillionth cookie and rethinking some of my life choices, I tuned into what the chef was saying to one of the sous chefs. I'm not sure what lead to the conversation, but I heard the chef suddenly say, "So what are you going to do when you die?". My ears perked up, and the sous chef said, "Nothing happens when you die. You're just dead and in the ground." For the next 7 minutes or so, the chef talked to this woman about Hell, The Bible, God and salvation. I just sat, mesmerized by how he did it so lovingly, firmly and all while chopping veggies (she chopped chicken). He didn't making it a "thing" he just told her Hell is real, so is God and you need Jesus. Apparently, he'd given her a Bible before and she didn't really do anything with it. This time was different I guess, because she asked questions. He gave her suggestions as to what to read first in the Bible, and explained how the copy he'd given her was different from her mother's Catholic Bible. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it! Sure, I've had several conversations about faith while at work and have had the chance to even pray with a few people, but usually it's with believers who are struggling with their faith or occasionally commenting on something someone says. The man saw an opportunity and jumped in without hesitation! That's how it's supposed to be! After the conversation came to a natural end, they went about their business, no awkwardness, no anger, just more chopping, stirring and serving up tasty food. Since it blessed me, I thought I'd bless you with that little tidbit.
Something else that rustled up the heavenly thoughts was listening to the radio. Given that I spend roughly 1.5 hours in the car a day (on a good day), I have ample opportunity to listen to the radio and my CDs. I love worship music that doesn't point you towards itself, but towards God. There are some groups and some songs that make so much ruckus and are so distracting that God completely gets washed out, and you're just left depleted after the emotional adrenaline rush.
Anywho, I was listening to one of my favorite groups when it hit me. Imagine the most intense worship experience you've ever had. I'm talking the point where you thought you just couldn't take anymore. Where God felt so near, you seriously feared you'd be crushed from the weight of Him, blinded by His beauty and struck dumb by His glory. Times all of that by a ka-jillion. That's heaven (to me, at least). Think about it...you may have felt Him all those other times, but in heaven, He'll actually physically BE THERE. Thank goodness we'll have new bodies, because I know my current shell would not be able to withstand heaven unleashed.
How exciting is that? Spending all eternity worshipping the infinitely beautiful, King of kings and Lord of Lords? I'm just gonna say it now, pretty sure the DCB will be reunited and playing continuously. Hallelujah!
Something else that rustled up the heavenly thoughts was listening to the radio. Given that I spend roughly 1.5 hours in the car a day (on a good day), I have ample opportunity to listen to the radio and my CDs. I love worship music that doesn't point you towards itself, but towards God. There are some groups and some songs that make so much ruckus and are so distracting that God completely gets washed out, and you're just left depleted after the emotional adrenaline rush.
Anywho, I was listening to one of my favorite groups when it hit me. Imagine the most intense worship experience you've ever had. I'm talking the point where you thought you just couldn't take anymore. Where God felt so near, you seriously feared you'd be crushed from the weight of Him, blinded by His beauty and struck dumb by His glory. Times all of that by a ka-jillion. That's heaven (to me, at least). Think about it...you may have felt Him all those other times, but in heaven, He'll actually physically BE THERE. Thank goodness we'll have new bodies, because I know my current shell would not be able to withstand heaven unleashed.
How exciting is that? Spending all eternity worshipping the infinitely beautiful, King of kings and Lord of Lords? I'm just gonna say it now, pretty sure the DCB will be reunited and playing continuously. Hallelujah!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I have nobody...to call my own...
Community is a beautiful thing. To be with others who love you, care about you and want nothing but good things for you is so comforting. No matter where you are in life, whether you're single, married with 20 babies or retired, community is important. God did not create us to live in solitude. For some, community happens more easily...young married couples with little ones are everywhere, they don't really have to look hard to find a group. College students typically don't have to look far to find their own kind or those that are willing to adopt them. It's the singles out there who seem to have a bit of a challenge. My heart really goes out to single men because it seems no one really knows what to do with them. Everyone loves women, so single women typically flock together, get grafted into families or adopted by older couples. Single men are just odd...they are like pinkie toes. They are necessary, but you aren't sure what to do with them. Anyway, I've veered from my point, let me return.
When I arrived in Waco in 2004, I was immediately thrust into various communities. There was the community I found in the dorms, the body of believers, and the circles of good friends from school. Community came to me, and it was good. After graduating, things got a little harder. No longer did I have the automatic community of college ministry folks, classmates, or roommates. I didn't feel connected to the college students at church because we were in very different places in our lives at that time. I was even viewed differently at church because people know how to handle me as a college student, but now I was just a random single woman. For once, I had to make community happen. I had to build relationships in a different way, allow a few to mature, and let others go by the wayside. Gatherings and hang outs had to be planned, they no longer happened organically. I became an event planner almost overnight. Dinner parties, game nights, movie nights, women and wine nights became my life. After a few years of hard work, I once again felt I was living in community again. My love for my church and those around me matured. I matured and life was good.
Now that I've moved back to Tyler I find myself back where I was after I graduated from Baylor. Communitiless (is that a word? It should be). I've found a good church, it's just a matter of making life together happen. I never realized how much community meant to me until now. I'm drowning in loneliness. My planner is collecting dust, I spent 10 hours on the phone this past week talking to the community I left. For years, I barely used my minutes, and now I'm burning through them like they're going out of style. I miss having dinner parties, having friends within walking distance, laughing until I cry my contacts out and my face cramps. I miss women and wine nights! Friday nights used to be filled with dancing, laughter and late night trips to IHOP. This last Friday I spent the evening at home watching Ghost Adventures and drinking milk. Sigh.
When I arrived in Waco in 2004, I was immediately thrust into various communities. There was the community I found in the dorms, the body of believers, and the circles of good friends from school. Community came to me, and it was good. After graduating, things got a little harder. No longer did I have the automatic community of college ministry folks, classmates, or roommates. I didn't feel connected to the college students at church because we were in very different places in our lives at that time. I was even viewed differently at church because people know how to handle me as a college student, but now I was just a random single woman. For once, I had to make community happen. I had to build relationships in a different way, allow a few to mature, and let others go by the wayside. Gatherings and hang outs had to be planned, they no longer happened organically. I became an event planner almost overnight. Dinner parties, game nights, movie nights, women and wine nights became my life. After a few years of hard work, I once again felt I was living in community again. My love for my church and those around me matured. I matured and life was good.
Now that I've moved back to Tyler I find myself back where I was after I graduated from Baylor. Communitiless (is that a word? It should be). I've found a good church, it's just a matter of making life together happen. I never realized how much community meant to me until now. I'm drowning in loneliness. My planner is collecting dust, I spent 10 hours on the phone this past week talking to the community I left. For years, I barely used my minutes, and now I'm burning through them like they're going out of style. I miss having dinner parties, having friends within walking distance, laughing until I cry my contacts out and my face cramps. I miss women and wine nights! Friday nights used to be filled with dancing, laughter and late night trips to IHOP. This last Friday I spent the evening at home watching Ghost Adventures and drinking milk. Sigh.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
What do you really really want?
One of my guilty pleasures is Sex and the City. Even though the show has been off the air for a while now, I still love watching the reruns. It's a morally bankrupt show, I know, and it's not something I should be filling my mind with, I understand all of these things. This is why I said it was a guilty pleasure. Last night, during one of my all time favorite scenes from the show, I had an epiphany of sorts.
The character Charlotte (who I feel most closely relates to me in both style and personality), broke up with the love of her life, Harry, a short, bald attorney who is Jewish. She converted to Judaism (she was formally Episcopalian) so that he could marry her. They were serious, but he hadn't proposed, and she assumed that once she converted a proposal would be immediate. They got into an argument when she demanded that he "set the date!". He left, and she was heartbroken. Fast forward two weeks, her friends are trying to set up her with people and suggesting she get back out there. She goes to a Jewish singles mixer, and after talking to a really nice guy, realizes she's not ready to date because she's still madly in love with Harry. She turns to scan the room, hoping that by some random chance Harry is there. Of course, he's there, and their eyes meet. She walks over, and begins a heartfelt confession of her "foolishness" and says, "I don't care if we ever get married. Harry, I just want to be with you. If you could just call me or maybe even ask me out again, I would really appreciate it." **Spoiler alert** He then drops on one knee and proposes. Happy ending? We'll see.
Exhibit B is in one of my favorite movies, "He's Just Not That Into You". Jennifer Aniston's character finally comes to a point where she draws a line in the sand and says to her boyfriend (Ben Affleck) of 7 years, "Will you ever marry me?" When he doesn't say anything, she breaks up with him. Over the coming weeks, she goes through being part of her younger sister's wedding and her father having a heart attack. She becomes increasingly upset and lonely. Ben Affleck's character then waltz's in like a knight in tarnished armor and this once wonderfully courageous woman breaks down and says, "I don't care if we ever get married, I just want you for the rest of my life. I am willing to take marriage completely off the table." **Spoiler alter** He then proposes.
What is the moral of these stories? What message does this send? Women: toss your standards, hopes and dreams aside. Do whatever it takes to get a man. Men: wait a woman out. You don't have to rise to clear the bar, just wait until you can slither under it. Don't worry about being a man of character and integrity, one who honors and respects women and provides for his mate. If you wait her out, she'll get so desperate, she'll come crawling to you on your terms. No need to take initiative, she'll eventually do it.I think what's most depressing for me is that I was sucked in by all of this. I was so caught up in the rush that these women got their man in the end, that I didn't think about how they got there. I was kind of proud of both of them for saying "I want to get married", and I overlooked their weakness in the end.
I know, as a general rule, we shouldn't look to media for guidance and life advice, but this is one instance where I see art imitating life. All across the country, and likely the world, scenarios like these are plaid out daily. Women try to be true to themselves, try to hold a certain standard, but in the end the pressure to get a man is too great, and they cave. Women are afraid to expect more. At some point, we started to believe that expecting men to be men would make us seem needy and demanding. Somewhere along the way, having standards guaranteed singleness. We're so afraid of seeming weak, needy, snobby, or unappealing that we can't even let a man open a door for us without a fight. A life of singleness seems far worse a fate than being stuck in a mixed up relationship in which we call all the shots, and our significant other is some sniveling, weak excuse for a man. So many women complain that there are no real men left in society. Of course there aren't, the feminists have locked them all in a basement, labeling them Neanderthals and chauvinistic pigs. Rather than give their guys opportunities to step up and be the kind of man they should be, Charlotte and Aniston's characters crumble. Women today are afraid to wait for what God has for us and just like in musical chairs, we scramble for whatever is left. We leap desperately for what we feel is our last shot.
Psalm 27 verse 14 says it well, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"
The character Charlotte (who I feel most closely relates to me in both style and personality), broke up with the love of her life, Harry, a short, bald attorney who is Jewish. She converted to Judaism (she was formally Episcopalian) so that he could marry her. They were serious, but he hadn't proposed, and she assumed that once she converted a proposal would be immediate. They got into an argument when she demanded that he "set the date!". He left, and she was heartbroken. Fast forward two weeks, her friends are trying to set up her with people and suggesting she get back out there. She goes to a Jewish singles mixer, and after talking to a really nice guy, realizes she's not ready to date because she's still madly in love with Harry. She turns to scan the room, hoping that by some random chance Harry is there. Of course, he's there, and their eyes meet. She walks over, and begins a heartfelt confession of her "foolishness" and says, "I don't care if we ever get married. Harry, I just want to be with you. If you could just call me or maybe even ask me out again, I would really appreciate it." **Spoiler alert** He then drops on one knee and proposes. Happy ending? We'll see.
Exhibit B is in one of my favorite movies, "He's Just Not That Into You". Jennifer Aniston's character finally comes to a point where she draws a line in the sand and says to her boyfriend (Ben Affleck) of 7 years, "Will you ever marry me?" When he doesn't say anything, she breaks up with him. Over the coming weeks, she goes through being part of her younger sister's wedding and her father having a heart attack. She becomes increasingly upset and lonely. Ben Affleck's character then waltz's in like a knight in tarnished armor and this once wonderfully courageous woman breaks down and says, "I don't care if we ever get married, I just want you for the rest of my life. I am willing to take marriage completely off the table." **Spoiler alter** He then proposes.
What is the moral of these stories? What message does this send? Women: toss your standards, hopes and dreams aside. Do whatever it takes to get a man. Men: wait a woman out. You don't have to rise to clear the bar, just wait until you can slither under it. Don't worry about being a man of character and integrity, one who honors and respects women and provides for his mate. If you wait her out, she'll get so desperate, she'll come crawling to you on your terms. No need to take initiative, she'll eventually do it.I think what's most depressing for me is that I was sucked in by all of this. I was so caught up in the rush that these women got their man in the end, that I didn't think about how they got there. I was kind of proud of both of them for saying "I want to get married", and I overlooked their weakness in the end.
I know, as a general rule, we shouldn't look to media for guidance and life advice, but this is one instance where I see art imitating life. All across the country, and likely the world, scenarios like these are plaid out daily. Women try to be true to themselves, try to hold a certain standard, but in the end the pressure to get a man is too great, and they cave. Women are afraid to expect more. At some point, we started to believe that expecting men to be men would make us seem needy and demanding. Somewhere along the way, having standards guaranteed singleness. We're so afraid of seeming weak, needy, snobby, or unappealing that we can't even let a man open a door for us without a fight. A life of singleness seems far worse a fate than being stuck in a mixed up relationship in which we call all the shots, and our significant other is some sniveling, weak excuse for a man. So many women complain that there are no real men left in society. Of course there aren't, the feminists have locked them all in a basement, labeling them Neanderthals and chauvinistic pigs. Rather than give their guys opportunities to step up and be the kind of man they should be, Charlotte and Aniston's characters crumble. Women today are afraid to wait for what God has for us and just like in musical chairs, we scramble for whatever is left. We leap desperately for what we feel is our last shot.
Psalm 27 verse 14 says it well, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"
Friday, May 27, 2011
Down to the country to ...?
I know I'm one of the world's worst bloggers, but rather than apologize for not posting daily, I'll just say this...I gots stuff to do.
Living with my parents is pretty much what I expected, but what I didn't count on is my body's physical reaction to being back. I'm not sure if it's stress or what, but my body doesn't like being back here. From migraines to hives, it's been tough being here. Emotionally, I know I'm being assaulted left and right by evil. Terrible thoughts plague me, making me want to be harbor anger, resentment and give in to despair. You know what, though? I refuse! Occasionally I find myself dwelling on past hurts and bad memories, and I replay ever horrid bit over and over again until the wound feels fresh. Perhaps part of the reason I'm here is because God wants me to experience real healing. Things that I thought weren't an issue seem larger than Him.
One really awesome thing I've experienced here is His relentless pursuit of me. He will not leave me alone, for which I'm incredibly grateful. I've had so much time to look back on where I started and where He's brought me. Through all the ups, downs and plateaus His faithfulness has been a constant.
Living with my parents is pretty much what I expected, but what I didn't count on is my body's physical reaction to being back. I'm not sure if it's stress or what, but my body doesn't like being back here. From migraines to hives, it's been tough being here. Emotionally, I know I'm being assaulted left and right by evil. Terrible thoughts plague me, making me want to be harbor anger, resentment and give in to despair. You know what, though? I refuse! Occasionally I find myself dwelling on past hurts and bad memories, and I replay ever horrid bit over and over again until the wound feels fresh. Perhaps part of the reason I'm here is because God wants me to experience real healing. Things that I thought weren't an issue seem larger than Him.
One really awesome thing I've experienced here is His relentless pursuit of me. He will not leave me alone, for which I'm incredibly grateful. I've had so much time to look back on where I started and where He's brought me. Through all the ups, downs and plateaus His faithfulness has been a constant.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
bound with strips of duct tape
I've been thinking about church a lot lately. Studying the anatomy of The Body. Human beings do so many things that tend to make no sense at all, yet not only are many of these things not frowned up on, but some are actually encouraged. Take, for example, having children. For a woman, you endure 9 months of having another human being being smooshed inside your body (which up until now, only barely had enough room for you), then after the smooshing comes the gushing and bringing forth of life. Hours and hours of screaming, pushing and all kinds of body fluids flowing out of you. For what end? To have screaming, pooping, needy little person to burst forth and demand constant attention for the next 13 years or so. After that point, you're left to deal with some incredibly awkward stranger living in your home, eating your food and spending your money, all while managing to ignore your existence. This person will see any sign of life on your part as an extreme violation of their existence...a direct assault on their popularity, the likes of which will undoubtedly end their so-called life. You finally begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel when this person (heaven forbid you have more than one of them), who you squeezed out in a fashion akin to something out of a horror movie, turns 18 and ventures out into the real world. After dropping yet another small fortune on this bigger version of the screaming, pooping, mess, you begin to enjoy the freedom of post-person life. Hopefully the other person who helped you create the third person is still at your side. Somehow this screaming, pooping mess will likely end back up in your house, only older and more dangerous (I say dangerous because they are now legally old enough to do more stuff). Eventually, with any luck, this person will leave your home, perhaps because they found another person or because they just couldn't take it anymore. Yet we persist in the bearing and raising of children.
Church is an interesting phenomenon. It's not a legal requirement. The government can't make you go, and after a while, neither can your mother. People willingly come together to admit there is nothing good in them, and they require more help than any other feeble, troubled, messed-up human being could provide. When you walk into a church, if you've got a proper understanding of things, you know you're coming to the place where all the sinners gather. If you look to your right and to your left, you are looking at people who will at some point sin against you. Church people can hurt you in very unique and unexpected ways. Walking through those doors can be like walking into a mine field. No matter how lightly you tread, you're still running the risk of being blown to Smithereens, not to mention the potential collateral damage. In spite of all of this, we still choose to gather together in vulnerability to worship the One who made us all. We argue, bicker, and wound each other time and time again with the expectation that grace will be extended, peace restored and fried chicken will be brought to the next pot luck. What on earth compels us to do this? In any other situation, these actions would be seen as incredibly foolish, and in some cases an intervention would be conducted. That we subject ourselves to life together with no legally obligatory reason for doing so, is borderline insanity. Yet we persist.
Let's explore the One who thought up all of this ridiculousness. This One, created us...He knows how vile, unforgiving and unloving we tend to be. He knows we will argue, bicker and wound one another about a frillion times. It is not out of ignorance that we are called to life together. This is on purpose. It sounds like something out of the twisted, sadistic mind of a madman. That we worship Him, is astounding. This holy, loving, unbelievably generous One calls us to life together as a Church, binding us together with His love. Now I understand there are huge theological yada-yadas behind all of this. Trust me, I know. It's just that I've been thinking about the things I devote my time and energy to, and it sort of messed with my head a bit that church and church activities are voluntary. If one were to decide they'd had enough of playing Russian roulette in a mine field (aka going to church), they could simply stop. There's little the church could legally do to make them continue (all sense of moral/theological reasons aside). Yet we continue to gather together. As wounds are inflicted, we treat them and continue our Sunday stroll about the mind field...together.
***please note*** I say all this, not as a knock against church, God, or parenting but with a more awestruck attitude that God orchestrates all this...that God helps us get over ourselves. I just didn't feel like getting bogged down with a deeper explanation of everything.
Church is an interesting phenomenon. It's not a legal requirement. The government can't make you go, and after a while, neither can your mother. People willingly come together to admit there is nothing good in them, and they require more help than any other feeble, troubled, messed-up human being could provide. When you walk into a church, if you've got a proper understanding of things, you know you're coming to the place where all the sinners gather. If you look to your right and to your left, you are looking at people who will at some point sin against you. Church people can hurt you in very unique and unexpected ways. Walking through those doors can be like walking into a mine field. No matter how lightly you tread, you're still running the risk of being blown to Smithereens, not to mention the potential collateral damage. In spite of all of this, we still choose to gather together in vulnerability to worship the One who made us all. We argue, bicker, and wound each other time and time again with the expectation that grace will be extended, peace restored and fried chicken will be brought to the next pot luck. What on earth compels us to do this? In any other situation, these actions would be seen as incredibly foolish, and in some cases an intervention would be conducted. That we subject ourselves to life together with no legally obligatory reason for doing so, is borderline insanity. Yet we persist.
Let's explore the One who thought up all of this ridiculousness. This One, created us...He knows how vile, unforgiving and unloving we tend to be. He knows we will argue, bicker and wound one another about a frillion times. It is not out of ignorance that we are called to life together. This is on purpose. It sounds like something out of the twisted, sadistic mind of a madman. That we worship Him, is astounding. This holy, loving, unbelievably generous One calls us to life together as a Church, binding us together with His love. Now I understand there are huge theological yada-yadas behind all of this. Trust me, I know. It's just that I've been thinking about the things I devote my time and energy to, and it sort of messed with my head a bit that church and church activities are voluntary. If one were to decide they'd had enough of playing Russian roulette in a mine field (aka going to church), they could simply stop. There's little the church could legally do to make them continue (all sense of moral/theological reasons aside). Yet we continue to gather together. As wounds are inflicted, we treat them and continue our Sunday stroll about the mind field...together.
***please note*** I say all this, not as a knock against church, God, or parenting but with a more awestruck attitude that God orchestrates all this...that God helps us get over ourselves. I just didn't feel like getting bogged down with a deeper explanation of everything.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Family matters
My family is an interesting mix of people. There are the "big city slickers", the "country folk", and people living in the area in between. There are those who are uber educated, and there are those who have never even seen a college campus. Families teach us what is normal, they set the stage for all of our future interactions, relationships, and initial world view. The things taught to us by our family stick with us. God makes us who we are, our identity is found in Him once we are adopted by Him, but He uses family to give us glimpses of human depravity, love, compassion, mercy, grace, and millions of other aspects of Himself.
There is something so special about being related to someone...to know that some of who you are is because of who they are. Genetics comes alive when you realize the reason you are so much like another person is because of a microscopic tidbit of DNA. Whether it's having the same laugh, nose, quick temper, distractability or sassiness, knowing someone else out there shares that with you is an incredible feeling. Even if you aren't close to your family, it only takes one shared look, one glance at a crooked nose, one distinct giggle to make you feel known...deeply, truly known. Isn't that what we all long for? To be known? To invite someone inside? Scary as it may be, we want it. We crave it. This desire occasionally manifests itself in unhealthy ways, but it can also be such a freeing experience. To let go of your hang-ups, inhabitions, fears and doubts...to put out the "WELCOME" sign over your heart, and hold the door open wide. I am frequently surprised by my family. Over the years I've under estimated them, not understanding their immeasurable value. To think of all the love I've missed out on, the hugs that could have been; to think that I've been galavanting all over the place begging for scaps from others, when I've had a feast so close by, is a tad troublesome.
The time for change has arrived, dear friends. Let's see where God takes this.
There is something so special about being related to someone...to know that some of who you are is because of who they are. Genetics comes alive when you realize the reason you are so much like another person is because of a microscopic tidbit of DNA. Whether it's having the same laugh, nose, quick temper, distractability or sassiness, knowing someone else out there shares that with you is an incredible feeling. Even if you aren't close to your family, it only takes one shared look, one glance at a crooked nose, one distinct giggle to make you feel known...deeply, truly known. Isn't that what we all long for? To be known? To invite someone inside? Scary as it may be, we want it. We crave it. This desire occasionally manifests itself in unhealthy ways, but it can also be such a freeing experience. To let go of your hang-ups, inhabitions, fears and doubts...to put out the "WELCOME" sign over your heart, and hold the door open wide. I am frequently surprised by my family. Over the years I've under estimated them, not understanding their immeasurable value. To think of all the love I've missed out on, the hugs that could have been; to think that I've been galavanting all over the place begging for scaps from others, when I've had a feast so close by, is a tad troublesome.
The time for change has arrived, dear friends. Let's see where God takes this.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Broken and blessed
When you work with people, you are working with depraved sinners in need of grace...in need of a Savior just like you. Sometimes in our loftier moments, we like to think of ourselves as being somehow removed...somehow better. In especially difficult occupations/roles, our pride makes us strive towards unbreakability. While as believers, we should be unshakable, sin must not come as a surprise, unbreakability is not a trait God wants to instill in us. In fact, He wants quite the opposite.
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" -Psalm 51:17
When we accept, proclaim, and own Christ as our Savior we are reborn with a new, clean heart...made of flesh. This delicate, exposed heart could also be likened to porcelain. Fragile and easily broken. A broken heart is painful, but so beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. It's not a weakness...something to be ashamed of, NO, it is something to fall on your face before your Creator and praise Him for giving you the ability to feel. In this broken, vulnerable state, you can truly love, and love like Him.
God does not break us for His own sadistic pleasure. He breaks us to let us know He is alive, we are alive, and to rebuild us. The very moment we cease to feel, to experience heartache is the moment we cease to live. Compassion is often rooted, not in warm-fuzzies, but rather a broken heart...our fleshly heart cannot sit idly by while another suffers. Instead, it is moved to action.
Lord, may I never outlive my love for You or Your people. If ever I believe I am unbreakable, show me I am not. Thank You, Father, for every tear, heartbreak, every second of brokenness. Thank You for rebuilding, restoring and reviving me. Your mercy is undeserved, Your grace is endless, and Your love is incomprehensible. Amen.
The following song is one of my favorites. It is performed by Barlow Girls.
Broken heart
One more time
Pick yourself up
Why even cry
Broken pieces in your hands
Wonder how you'll make it whole
CHORUS:
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine
Of mine....
Someone said "A broken heart
Would sting at first then make you stronger"
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break
CHORUS:
Creator only you take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again
Chorus:
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart
Please mend this porcelain heart
Of mine of mine Creator mend this heart
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" -Psalm 51:17
When we accept, proclaim, and own Christ as our Savior we are reborn with a new, clean heart...made of flesh. This delicate, exposed heart could also be likened to porcelain. Fragile and easily broken. A broken heart is painful, but so beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. It's not a weakness...something to be ashamed of, NO, it is something to fall on your face before your Creator and praise Him for giving you the ability to feel. In this broken, vulnerable state, you can truly love, and love like Him.
God does not break us for His own sadistic pleasure. He breaks us to let us know He is alive, we are alive, and to rebuild us. The very moment we cease to feel, to experience heartache is the moment we cease to live. Compassion is often rooted, not in warm-fuzzies, but rather a broken heart...our fleshly heart cannot sit idly by while another suffers. Instead, it is moved to action.
Lord, may I never outlive my love for You or Your people. If ever I believe I am unbreakable, show me I am not. Thank You, Father, for every tear, heartbreak, every second of brokenness. Thank You for rebuilding, restoring and reviving me. Your mercy is undeserved, Your grace is endless, and Your love is incomprehensible. Amen.
The following song is one of my favorites. It is performed by Barlow Girls.
Broken heart
One more time
Pick yourself up
Why even cry
Broken pieces in your hands
Wonder how you'll make it whole
CHORUS:
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine
Of mine....
Someone said "A broken heart
Would sting at first then make you stronger"
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break
CHORUS:
Creator only you take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again
Chorus:
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart
Please mend this porcelain heart
Of mine of mine Creator mend this heart
Thursday, April 22, 2010
all by myself with you
"I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you are to me...please, please, don't leave me. I always say how I don't need you, but it's always gonna come right back to this...please, don't leave me..." -Pink, Please Don't Leave Me
This is not a quote from a hymn...not even a modern worship song. It's a song sung by the pop artist, Pink. Funny thing is...it could have easily been something straight from Scripture.
Yesterday, I was talking with someone about how God's pursuing of me seems to have intensified lately. He's definitely wooing me all over again, appealing to my hopelessly romantic nature...a quality He Himself thoughtfully and lovingly created in me before there even was a me. There are times when I'm out jogging or hiking or even just walking through a parking lot, were it seems God brings my attention to some absolutely breathtakingly beautiful bit of nature and whispers softly, "For you, beloved."
Usually, my heart is easily re-captivated by my Father and King during these moments, but it's the in-between times that led me to start with the quote at the top of this post. How often do you stop and just praise God for His beauty? His grace? His faithfulness? His unending, undeserved love? Not nearly enough, I'm afraid. Fear not, for I am in that boat with you. None of us...not a one, could love Him back as fiercely, as rightly and passionately as He loves us. We do quite the opposite at times, actually. It's almost laughable how so often in the Old Testament we read, "...and the people again sinned in the sight of the Lord" or something along those lines. On one page we read of some amazing blessing God bestowed upon His children, then we turn the page (or even just move to the next paragraph) and read about how those same people have forgotten their Creator, the very Source of their blessings, and sinned yet again. There are times when I read passages like that and shout, "Seriously?!!" Yes, seriously. We're like that.
So often we try to live by our own might, our own power, and feel as if God is here to serve us, not the other way around. We get to the point were we think we've "got it", then we're proven horribly, horribly wrong. Then it is at that point, when we're setting up shop in Rock-bottomville, that we cry out, "please don't leave me!!" Can you imagine how much patience God has to have when it comes to us? It's just like when a child says, "I want to do it all by myself, Daddy" all the while they cling to their father's hand. I've even caught myself saying, "I want to be by myself...with people." We say we want to be left alone...as long as we don't have to do it alone. God's gotta laugh at that sometimes.
Anywho, I think the following hymn says a lot of what I'm thinking at this moment, enjoy, for it is one of my favorites. Pay close attention to the verse that says, "prone to wander...". Good stuff
Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing
by: Robert Robinson, 1758
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
This is not a quote from a hymn...not even a modern worship song. It's a song sung by the pop artist, Pink. Funny thing is...it could have easily been something straight from Scripture.
Yesterday, I was talking with someone about how God's pursuing of me seems to have intensified lately. He's definitely wooing me all over again, appealing to my hopelessly romantic nature...a quality He Himself thoughtfully and lovingly created in me before there even was a me. There are times when I'm out jogging or hiking or even just walking through a parking lot, were it seems God brings my attention to some absolutely breathtakingly beautiful bit of nature and whispers softly, "For you, beloved."
Usually, my heart is easily re-captivated by my Father and King during these moments, but it's the in-between times that led me to start with the quote at the top of this post. How often do you stop and just praise God for His beauty? His grace? His faithfulness? His unending, undeserved love? Not nearly enough, I'm afraid. Fear not, for I am in that boat with you. None of us...not a one, could love Him back as fiercely, as rightly and passionately as He loves us. We do quite the opposite at times, actually. It's almost laughable how so often in the Old Testament we read, "...and the people again sinned in the sight of the Lord" or something along those lines. On one page we read of some amazing blessing God bestowed upon His children, then we turn the page (or even just move to the next paragraph) and read about how those same people have forgotten their Creator, the very Source of their blessings, and sinned yet again. There are times when I read passages like that and shout, "Seriously?!!" Yes, seriously. We're like that.
So often we try to live by our own might, our own power, and feel as if God is here to serve us, not the other way around. We get to the point were we think we've "got it", then we're proven horribly, horribly wrong. Then it is at that point, when we're setting up shop in Rock-bottomville, that we cry out, "please don't leave me!!" Can you imagine how much patience God has to have when it comes to us? It's just like when a child says, "I want to do it all by myself, Daddy" all the while they cling to their father's hand. I've even caught myself saying, "I want to be by myself...with people." We say we want to be left alone...as long as we don't have to do it alone. God's gotta laugh at that sometimes.
Anywho, I think the following hymn says a lot of what I'm thinking at this moment, enjoy, for it is one of my favorites. Pay close attention to the verse that says, "prone to wander...". Good stuff
Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing
by: Robert Robinson, 1758
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Finding home
My life over the past few months has been nothing short of chaotic, fun, miserable, meaningful, and frustrating. For you bloggers out there, one of the most notable things that has occurred is that my computer has died. There is no bringing it back in the near future, and I've even had my Internet cancelled at home. Surprisingly, I haven't really missed having 24/7 access to the Internet (who are we kidding, what I really mean is 27/7 access to facebook). Every once in a while, I wince because I've missed an important email or message, but other than that, it's really been nice to focus my energies on other things.
Ballroom dancing has really taken over my life; it's crazy. Not a day goes by that I don't dance...even if just for a few seconds. Being a single woman can make the love of dance quite frustrating. For those of us ladies out there who refuse to step out of our role as the pursued, this can mean sitting out during many great songs...many dances not danced. The desire to be sought after does not dissipate when one steps into the dance hall. There's something about dancing that changes a woman. I don't know if it's just me, but it's almost this Cinderella experience. You're sitting there, and this wonderful song comes on, then out of no where a gentleman comes and asks you to dance. You spin, glide, laugh and get wrapped up in the rhythm, the sweet melody, and if you're lucky...your partner. It can be an intoxicating experience. For a moment, you feel beautiful, carefree and happy. Now please don't get too bogged down in the romantic side of ballroom dancing, it can be maddening when you can't seem to get the steps right, you're off rhythm, and the cologne of one of your dance partners just won't seem to wash off...even after using a Brillo pad to scrub your skin. Ah yes, even after nights like that, I still love dancing. I could go on about it, but I think you catch my drift.
I find myself becoming more settled in my life. I'm starting to get more involved with my community, and really taking a look at what being an active, productive citizen means to me. At the moment, I'm starting small...coaching a little league team, and being part of a homeless coalition. Hopefully, I'll add to my activities more over the next few years. My schedule is seriously getting jam packed each week. At first my weekends were sort of wide open, but not those are also requiring a good bit of coordination. Both this coming Friday and Saturday, I may attempt to be in 3 different places at once.
I like being busy, though. It keeps me out of trouble. I'm not sure if literally not having time to get into trouble really counts as triumphing over temptation...probably not. The real test comes in the quite. What do you think about...dwell on...when everything else is silent? One thing I've taken the time to think about is my singleness. What to do with it, how to handle it, possible causes of it. For the first time in my life, I'm genuinely okay with being single. Hmm..."okay" isn't the best word; let's go with "at home". Yes, that has a better ring to it. I'm at home in my singleness. What does this mean? It doesn't mean I've abandoned all hope in obtaining a husband, I think marriage is a great and wonderfully sanctifying thing if that's what the Lord has called you to. Being at home in my singleness is more like diving head first into it and enjoying where the Lord has me. It's cultivating a rich life without constantly looking over my shoulder to see if Mr. Right is coming. It's realizing I can still very much so be a homemaker even though I don't have a husband or children. I can make people feel loved, welcomed, and at home with me. It also means I can feel at home in myself, and while I'm not always happy with everything about myself, I do have a pretty good idea of who I am, and what I want.
Friendships mean so much more when you take the time to really digest them, savor conversations with close friends, stoke the fires of acquaintanceship, and rebuilding broken relationships. Friendship really does add spice to life.
To sum everything up, I'll describe the past few months in 3 words: joy, passion, and frustration. So much has happened, way more than I care to cover here, but do know, gentle readers, that I have not forgotten you!
Ballroom dancing has really taken over my life; it's crazy. Not a day goes by that I don't dance...even if just for a few seconds. Being a single woman can make the love of dance quite frustrating. For those of us ladies out there who refuse to step out of our role as the pursued, this can mean sitting out during many great songs...many dances not danced. The desire to be sought after does not dissipate when one steps into the dance hall. There's something about dancing that changes a woman. I don't know if it's just me, but it's almost this Cinderella experience. You're sitting there, and this wonderful song comes on, then out of no where a gentleman comes and asks you to dance. You spin, glide, laugh and get wrapped up in the rhythm, the sweet melody, and if you're lucky...your partner. It can be an intoxicating experience. For a moment, you feel beautiful, carefree and happy. Now please don't get too bogged down in the romantic side of ballroom dancing, it can be maddening when you can't seem to get the steps right, you're off rhythm, and the cologne of one of your dance partners just won't seem to wash off...even after using a Brillo pad to scrub your skin. Ah yes, even after nights like that, I still love dancing. I could go on about it, but I think you catch my drift.
I find myself becoming more settled in my life. I'm starting to get more involved with my community, and really taking a look at what being an active, productive citizen means to me. At the moment, I'm starting small...coaching a little league team, and being part of a homeless coalition. Hopefully, I'll add to my activities more over the next few years. My schedule is seriously getting jam packed each week. At first my weekends were sort of wide open, but not those are also requiring a good bit of coordination. Both this coming Friday and Saturday, I may attempt to be in 3 different places at once.
I like being busy, though. It keeps me out of trouble. I'm not sure if literally not having time to get into trouble really counts as triumphing over temptation...probably not. The real test comes in the quite. What do you think about...dwell on...when everything else is silent? One thing I've taken the time to think about is my singleness. What to do with it, how to handle it, possible causes of it. For the first time in my life, I'm genuinely okay with being single. Hmm..."okay" isn't the best word; let's go with "at home". Yes, that has a better ring to it. I'm at home in my singleness. What does this mean? It doesn't mean I've abandoned all hope in obtaining a husband, I think marriage is a great and wonderfully sanctifying thing if that's what the Lord has called you to. Being at home in my singleness is more like diving head first into it and enjoying where the Lord has me. It's cultivating a rich life without constantly looking over my shoulder to see if Mr. Right is coming. It's realizing I can still very much so be a homemaker even though I don't have a husband or children. I can make people feel loved, welcomed, and at home with me. It also means I can feel at home in myself, and while I'm not always happy with everything about myself, I do have a pretty good idea of who I am, and what I want.
Friendships mean so much more when you take the time to really digest them, savor conversations with close friends, stoke the fires of acquaintanceship, and rebuilding broken relationships. Friendship really does add spice to life.
To sum everything up, I'll describe the past few months in 3 words: joy, passion, and frustration. So much has happened, way more than I care to cover here, but do know, gentle readers, that I have not forgotten you!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Undignified and okay with it
Dwelling on our sin, our short comings, our sorrows, heartaches and secret miseries can be incredibly easy to do. We allow shame to weigh down our worship, guilt to paralyze our praise. No, we're not perfect right now, but we are being perfected. Our God is merciful, gracious, loving, kind, patient, jealous for our love, righteous, holy, beautiful, mighty, compassionate, nurturing, faithful, unchanging, passionate,funny...give a million people a million years and they'd never finish this list. They'd run out of words and still find the description of our King lacking!
When I first started my quiet time a couple of hours ago, did I feel like praising Him? No. Did I feel like looking outside of myself? No. I came with my list of frustrations, hurts, worries and everything else. Am I wrong to take those things to Him in prayer? Of course not. He cares very much about our burdens; about what's on our hearts and minds. After a certain point, however, we've got to look up. After a certain point, we've just got to stop talking and let Him hold us. So during the course of this time I've gone from standing in front of Him with my list is problems, to sitting in His lap with His arms around me. It's a good place to be.
When I Think About The Lord (not sure who wrote the words)
When I think about the Lord,
how He saved me, how He raised me,
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost,
how he healed me to the uttermost,
When I think about the Lord,
how he picked me up, and turned me around,
how He placed my feet on solid ground
It makes me want to shout:
HALLELUJAH!
Thank you, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy of all the glory, and all the honor, and all the praise!
It makes me want to shout:
HALLELUJAH!
Thank You, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy of all the glory, and all the honor, and all the praise!
When I first started my quiet time a couple of hours ago, did I feel like praising Him? No. Did I feel like looking outside of myself? No. I came with my list of frustrations, hurts, worries and everything else. Am I wrong to take those things to Him in prayer? Of course not. He cares very much about our burdens; about what's on our hearts and minds. After a certain point, however, we've got to look up. After a certain point, we've just got to stop talking and let Him hold us. So during the course of this time I've gone from standing in front of Him with my list is problems, to sitting in His lap with His arms around me. It's a good place to be.
When I Think About The Lord (not sure who wrote the words)
When I think about the Lord,
how He saved me, how He raised me,
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost,
how he healed me to the uttermost,
When I think about the Lord,
how he picked me up, and turned me around,
how He placed my feet on solid ground
It makes me want to shout:
HALLELUJAH!
Thank you, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy of all the glory, and all the honor, and all the praise!
It makes me want to shout:
HALLELUJAH!
Thank You, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy of all the glory, and all the honor, and all the praise!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sometimes it's okay to be angry
The time has come for the daughters of the King, to fight for their brothers. I don't know about you ladies out there, but I am beyond sick of the images that flood and taint the minds of the men in my life. I'm tired of the junk that the world throws their way, and expects them to swallow. I'm frustrated with other women either wittingly or unwittingly causing MY brothers to stumble. Yes, it is PARTIALLY a man's responsibility to "take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5)," but we, as women, shouldn't make it difficult for them.
I urge you, ladies, to rethink the way you dress, the way you act, and the words that spring forth from your mouth. In a culture, nay, a world saturated with sexual imagery, men have few, if any, places to retreat from the constant bombardment. If you are married, perhaps it's time to talk to your husband about severely limiting what comes into your home, be it racy cable shows, questionable Internet sites, or even your magazines with scantily clad models. Earlier, I was listening to a local AFR (American Family Radio) station, and a woman called in, saying she and her husband had made the commitment to stop watching broadcast football games (like the Superbowl). They felt the cheerleaders, commercials and other unsavory things associated with it were not worth tainting their minds.
Evaluate your wardrobe, what statement are you trying to make with the things you wear? Your husband is the only man who should be enjoying your body, physically and visually. I'm constantly rethinking what I wear for fear of offending some unsuspecting man.
We must also question what we say, lest it lead to an inappropriate conversation. We all know we are not to jest coarsely or carry on in discussions filled with sexual dialogue, but there are little things we say that may be just as bad. For example, we need to be careful in the way we describe things. Describing a racy outfit or skimpy dress can be just as bad as wearing it. Even talking about the physical appearance of another man (in excess) is something we need to work on. Modesty starts on the inside and works it's way outward. Change doesn't happen overnight, but change does happen with determination and prayer. Commit to yourself to fight for the honor and purity of your brothers in the Lord.
"(13) Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. (14)I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean." Romans 14: 13-14, ESV Bible.
Please know that I say these things, not because I'm perfect, but because I need to hear them as much (if not more) than you.
To any random guys who may be reading this, if your sisters are doing something, or saying anything that causes you to stumble, TELL THEM! If we don't know there's a problem, we can't fix it.
I urge you, ladies, to rethink the way you dress, the way you act, and the words that spring forth from your mouth. In a culture, nay, a world saturated with sexual imagery, men have few, if any, places to retreat from the constant bombardment. If you are married, perhaps it's time to talk to your husband about severely limiting what comes into your home, be it racy cable shows, questionable Internet sites, or even your magazines with scantily clad models. Earlier, I was listening to a local AFR (American Family Radio) station, and a woman called in, saying she and her husband had made the commitment to stop watching broadcast football games (like the Superbowl). They felt the cheerleaders, commercials and other unsavory things associated with it were not worth tainting their minds.
Evaluate your wardrobe, what statement are you trying to make with the things you wear? Your husband is the only man who should be enjoying your body, physically and visually. I'm constantly rethinking what I wear for fear of offending some unsuspecting man.
We must also question what we say, lest it lead to an inappropriate conversation. We all know we are not to jest coarsely or carry on in discussions filled with sexual dialogue, but there are little things we say that may be just as bad. For example, we need to be careful in the way we describe things. Describing a racy outfit or skimpy dress can be just as bad as wearing it. Even talking about the physical appearance of another man (in excess) is something we need to work on. Modesty starts on the inside and works it's way outward. Change doesn't happen overnight, but change does happen with determination and prayer. Commit to yourself to fight for the honor and purity of your brothers in the Lord.
"(13) Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. (14)I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean." Romans 14: 13-14, ESV Bible.
Please know that I say these things, not because I'm perfect, but because I need to hear them as much (if not more) than you.
To any random guys who may be reading this, if your sisters are doing something, or saying anything that causes you to stumble, TELL THEM! If we don't know there's a problem, we can't fix it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Those of you that know me, or have at least checked out my blog a few times know that I very deeply desire marriage and children (lots of babies). I make no apology for this, because this desire is not ungodly. No, it is a very appropriate and beautiful thing. In a time when families are crumbling and children are subject to so much abuse and neglect; the actual longing to be a godly wife and nurturing mother is a wonderful thing. That said, I must also face the fact that God may not intend for me to ever marry or bear children. Granted, I'm fairly young (though not as young as I'd like for the childbearing part), so there's time for all that great and wonderful stuff later, but God is by no means obligated to give me a hubby and babies just because I want them (fiercely).
This may sound strange, but I actually get excited when I meet older single Christian women. My heart beats a touch faster, and I can't wait to engage in a good conversation with them. The reason for this intense reaction is simple...kind of primitive, actually. It does my heart well to know that you can survive singleness as a Christian woman. Perhaps you feel I'm making a mountain out of a molehill here, but it deeply encourages me to see the way God has worked in these women's lives. To listen to them tell stories of their Beloved's faithfulness and loving kindness to them throughout their lives. To hear how they deal/dealt with being told "No" to something they wanted so much. I'm not saying being single is so terrible, and gosh-darn awful that death is a far better alternative. NAY! I'm just saying it (life) can be hard...no matter how good your friends are, there's still something completely different about actually becoming one with somebody and going through life together.
Thankfully, I've met very few bitter, old, Christian, single women. When I do, I usually begin immediately praying internally. Praying that this women would release the bitterness eating away at her. Praying that she and I would both know in our souls that God is enough, period. Finally, I pray that the day never dawns where I'm that bitter. Depending on what they're saying, it sounds like one man after another has somehow failed them, and they kind of think God...the true Beloved...has failed them as well. Men have not come through from them, and the Creator of the men has not come through for them. Their words and their actions tell me "God is not enough." Bitterness is a very vile emotion, it's infectious and toxic. It is not to be named among the characteristics of a godly woman.
"(30)And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (31) Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (32) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" Eph. 4: 30-32.
" (14) Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. (15) See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled" Hebrews 12: 14-15
This may sound strange, but I actually get excited when I meet older single Christian women. My heart beats a touch faster, and I can't wait to engage in a good conversation with them. The reason for this intense reaction is simple...kind of primitive, actually. It does my heart well to know that you can survive singleness as a Christian woman. Perhaps you feel I'm making a mountain out of a molehill here, but it deeply encourages me to see the way God has worked in these women's lives. To listen to them tell stories of their Beloved's faithfulness and loving kindness to them throughout their lives. To hear how they deal/dealt with being told "No" to something they wanted so much. I'm not saying being single is so terrible, and gosh-darn awful that death is a far better alternative. NAY! I'm just saying it (life) can be hard...no matter how good your friends are, there's still something completely different about actually becoming one with somebody and going through life together.
Thankfully, I've met very few bitter, old, Christian, single women. When I do, I usually begin immediately praying internally. Praying that this women would release the bitterness eating away at her. Praying that she and I would both know in our souls that God is enough, period. Finally, I pray that the day never dawns where I'm that bitter. Depending on what they're saying, it sounds like one man after another has somehow failed them, and they kind of think God...the true Beloved...has failed them as well. Men have not come through from them, and the Creator of the men has not come through for them. Their words and their actions tell me "God is not enough." Bitterness is a very vile emotion, it's infectious and toxic. It is not to be named among the characteristics of a godly woman.
"(30)And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (31) Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (32) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" Eph. 4: 30-32.
" (14) Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. (15) See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled" Hebrews 12: 14-15
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
So in an effort to hone some of my domestic skills, I'll be focusing more on cooking (as if I don't do that enough, already!), and sewing. Admittedly, I dropped the needle a year or so ago, and I have yet to make any clothing for myself, so this will be a fun project. For the cooking, I'm really looking into baking breads and other grain oriented staples. My first sewing project will be to make a skirt. This particular project was born from my irritation with the lack of affordable skirts in stores. Not just skirts, but long, plain skirts. I've decided it will be much easier just to make my own skirt...exactly the way I want it. We'll see how that goes.
Financially, I'm really working on streamlining my budget and STICKING TO the budget. That's been a real struggle for me in the past, but God is really dealing with me in this (and so many other) areas.
Anywho, I've been in a book frenzy lately. Over the past couple of weeks, I've really added quite a few good works to my bookshelf. Interestingly enough, many of the books are bent towards marriage and being a godly woman. God is really making me long to grow in femininity and take on the characteristics of a woman after His own heart. Praise Him.
My current prayer is that I would learn to be more content with the life God has given me. That I would stop worrying myself silly about "what's next", and take care of the here and now. Also that I would learn how encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ with Truth and love.
"O, how He loves you and me! O, how He loves you and me! He gave His life, what more could He give? O, how He loves you! O, how He loves me! O, how He loves you and me!"
Financially, I'm really working on streamlining my budget and STICKING TO the budget. That's been a real struggle for me in the past, but God is really dealing with me in this (and so many other) areas.
Anywho, I've been in a book frenzy lately. Over the past couple of weeks, I've really added quite a few good works to my bookshelf. Interestingly enough, many of the books are bent towards marriage and being a godly woman. God is really making me long to grow in femininity and take on the characteristics of a woman after His own heart. Praise Him.
My current prayer is that I would learn to be more content with the life God has given me. That I would stop worrying myself silly about "what's next", and take care of the here and now. Also that I would learn how encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ with Truth and love.
"O, how He loves you and me! O, how He loves you and me! He gave His life, what more could He give? O, how He loves you! O, how He loves me! O, how He loves you and me!"
Monday, July 28, 2008
Right on time
So you learn a lot about yourself and your parents when one of them is in the hospital. For the past few days, the three of us have been in this one largish hospital room with my slightly cantankerous father being the focal point. I've had a couple of medium sized realizations, that have been kind of cool. The first came to me this morning when the doctor suggested we go ahead and talk to a social worker about applying for disability benefits from social security. We talked about how my father likely will not be able to return to his job in the same position he was in before. My father really isn't wanting to return to the workforce at all, which is understandable since the man is almost 61, and obviously not in good health. I told my parents I could help them with the application process, and they sort of said "yeah, okay...let's go find the social worker." Mom and I went in search of the hospital sw, and when we talked to her, all she said was "you'll have to go to the Social Security office in your area. I can't do anything." I figured that's what she'd say...I could have saved us the trip down the hall.
Mom and I returned to my dad's room, and mom told him what the SW had said. They were soon trying to figure out what SS office they were supposed to go to, and what they would need. Meanwhile, I'd quietly slipped into the corner with my laptop, and had gone to the SS website. Within seconds, I had a list of the documents they would need, and the address of the appropriate SS office. I'd even started calling to set up an appointment, but the line was busy (big surprise). My parents were still trying to figure out what to do, and I finally shared the information I had with them. The both kind of looked at me, and I think I changed from "Oh, that's just our daughter who doesn't know anything," to "This is a professional who can help us." The conversation changed, and my mom started asking me what forms did she need to get, and how could she make an appointment. She's out now, with the little grocery list of info I told her they'd need, trying to get everything.
The second "Ah-ha!" moment happened sometime between Friday and right now. In a previous post, I mentioned being afraid to face my parent's aging/mortality as a single woman. I've come to realize now, that for the time being, I'm actually in a great position to deal with my parents' aging/health issues. Unlike my siblings, I'm freer to be here with them when they need it. For the past few days, I've been spending the night right at my father's bedside, making my mother eat, and keeping on top of the hospital staff. Don't get me wrong, my sister and her family have been here to visit, but they haven't been able to stay as long. My parents feel more comfortable asking me to do things, because they know I don't really have anyone depending on me (like children or a husband). Because I was the last one to leave home, I'm the one that most familiar with their day to day lives, which is helpful when talking to the nurses, doctors, SW's, etc. My point is, God knows what He's doing. I may not always be particularly happy with my singleness, but He's definitely got a purpose for it. He's incredibly faithful, and will meet me at the point of my needs...not prematurely, not late, but right on time. I see now why the song, "He's an On Time God" was written. :-)
Mom and I returned to my dad's room, and mom told him what the SW had said. They were soon trying to figure out what SS office they were supposed to go to, and what they would need. Meanwhile, I'd quietly slipped into the corner with my laptop, and had gone to the SS website. Within seconds, I had a list of the documents they would need, and the address of the appropriate SS office. I'd even started calling to set up an appointment, but the line was busy (big surprise). My parents were still trying to figure out what to do, and I finally shared the information I had with them. The both kind of looked at me, and I think I changed from "Oh, that's just our daughter who doesn't know anything," to "This is a professional who can help us." The conversation changed, and my mom started asking me what forms did she need to get, and how could she make an appointment. She's out now, with the little grocery list of info I told her they'd need, trying to get everything.
The second "Ah-ha!" moment happened sometime between Friday and right now. In a previous post, I mentioned being afraid to face my parent's aging/mortality as a single woman. I've come to realize now, that for the time being, I'm actually in a great position to deal with my parents' aging/health issues. Unlike my siblings, I'm freer to be here with them when they need it. For the past few days, I've been spending the night right at my father's bedside, making my mother eat, and keeping on top of the hospital staff. Don't get me wrong, my sister and her family have been here to visit, but they haven't been able to stay as long. My parents feel more comfortable asking me to do things, because they know I don't really have anyone depending on me (like children or a husband). Because I was the last one to leave home, I'm the one that most familiar with their day to day lives, which is helpful when talking to the nurses, doctors, SW's, etc. My point is, God knows what He's doing. I may not always be particularly happy with my singleness, but He's definitely got a purpose for it. He's incredibly faithful, and will meet me at the point of my needs...not prematurely, not late, but right on time. I see now why the song, "He's an On Time God" was written. :-)
Sunday, July 27, 2008
To live is Christ, to die is gain
So often it seems Christianity is portrayed as something that makes you weaker, more timid...a person afraid of their own shadow. It's more fun to reticule and torment Christians, because their beliefs keep them from doing anything about it other than thanking and blessing you. The truth is...being a real Christian takes uber amounts of courage. The awesome thing is...the courage comes from Christ and His love. This week, I've been faced with my father's mortality. Understanding and really believing the fact that if you don't have Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, you will go to Hell takes on a whole new context in times like these.
A friend and I were talking about how it seems we (Christians) tend to be a bit more afraid to witness to our own family members or close friends for various reasons. The idea that once you put that out there and call someone a sinner...and that those words can't be taken back sort of glues your tongue to the roof of your mouth. We desperately don't want to be that person. These thoughts crossed my mind as I was considering whether or not I could/would talk to my father about Jesus. It's important not to let DNA get your thoughts all twisted around. The fact that you don't want your loved one to spend an eternity in the fiery pits of Hell, separated from Jesus forever should be just the can o'spinach you need to drive you to unashamedly witness to them. My thought is...I can live with the awkwardness that can sometimes come from being that person, but they can't live without Jesus.
A friend and I were talking about how it seems we (Christians) tend to be a bit more afraid to witness to our own family members or close friends for various reasons. The idea that once you put that out there and call someone a sinner...and that those words can't be taken back sort of glues your tongue to the roof of your mouth. We desperately don't want to be that person. These thoughts crossed my mind as I was considering whether or not I could/would talk to my father about Jesus. It's important not to let DNA get your thoughts all twisted around. The fact that you don't want your loved one to spend an eternity in the fiery pits of Hell, separated from Jesus forever should be just the can o'spinach you need to drive you to unashamedly witness to them. My thought is...I can live with the awkwardness that can sometimes come from being that person, but they can't live without Jesus.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Am I too heavy for you?
I was sitting here in my blue chair, singing, reading Scripture, and sipping coffee when I decided to take another stroll down memory lane, and read some old poetry and songs I wrote way back when. There were poems from ten years ago, but the one I'm about to share was written on 7/10/2003. I'm thinking the title may need some tweaking, but the original inspiration was one of my favorite songs written/performed by Mitch McVicker; called "Deeper In Love".
Soaring on Wings of Grace
Once I was trapped, shackled by my sins; life was not worth living.
Then I heard Your voice calling to me,
bidding me to make the leap of faith into Your waiting arms.
Satan and His minions mocked me, saying,
"Your Prince will never come through"
I turned to You and saw mercy and sweet forgiveness in Your eyes.
With that, I jumped...my only words being,
"Lord, I have nothing left to lose, and all of You to gain, so please...catch me as I fall deeper in love with You."
I wrote this early in my relationship with Christ...and now I find myself praying, "Lord, don't drop me."
(PS: I'm aware that the title of this post may have lead you to believe the post was going to be about something else entirely...please know that that was purposeful/for my own amusement).
Soaring on Wings of Grace
Once I was trapped, shackled by my sins; life was not worth living.
Then I heard Your voice calling to me,
bidding me to make the leap of faith into Your waiting arms.
Satan and His minions mocked me, saying,
"Your Prince will never come through"
I turned to You and saw mercy and sweet forgiveness in Your eyes.
With that, I jumped...my only words being,
"Lord, I have nothing left to lose, and all of You to gain, so please...catch me as I fall deeper in love with You."
I wrote this early in my relationship with Christ...and now I find myself praying, "Lord, don't drop me."
(PS: I'm aware that the title of this post may have lead you to believe the post was going to be about something else entirely...please know that that was purposeful/for my own amusement).
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
1 Peter 3:1-9
" (1) In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
(2) as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
(3) Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
(4) but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
(5) For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;
(6) just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
(7) You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
(8) To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
(9) not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
This passage is what's on my heart at the moment. The first part of this passage reminds me of the saying, "Actions speak louder than words". Think back to all those sitcoms/wifey jokes you've heard. Usually there' s always something about a nagging wife, and how a husband learns to tune her out. She feels that she has to nag, or she won't get what she wants; and he feels that if she didn't nag all the time, he might be more inclinded to listen. Now of course, things are a bit more serious in actuality, but is there ever room for exhortation in a marriage?
Naturally, we (men, women, children) don't like to be told when we're doing something wrong....we hate having our faces shoved in our "mess". There are, however; times when we think our sin is still a secret...that because no one else seems to have noticed it, it must not be a problem. Sometimes it takes that one person...who, in love, gently says, "We need to talk about...". I'm not arguing with the Scripture, God knows what He's talking about; just thought I'd think out loud a bit.
I'm intrigued by the end of v.7 "...so that your prayers will not be hindered". Is this saying that a lack of harmony in your home will lead to such spiritual unrest that you will be unable to pray effectively? I'll do more reading on this.
(2) as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
(3) Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
(4) but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
(5) For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;
(6) just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
(7) You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
(8) To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
(9) not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
This passage is what's on my heart at the moment. The first part of this passage reminds me of the saying, "Actions speak louder than words". Think back to all those sitcoms/wifey jokes you've heard. Usually there' s always something about a nagging wife, and how a husband learns to tune her out. She feels that she has to nag, or she won't get what she wants; and he feels that if she didn't nag all the time, he might be more inclinded to listen. Now of course, things are a bit more serious in actuality, but is there ever room for exhortation in a marriage?
Naturally, we (men, women, children) don't like to be told when we're doing something wrong....we hate having our faces shoved in our "mess". There are, however; times when we think our sin is still a secret...that because no one else seems to have noticed it, it must not be a problem. Sometimes it takes that one person...who, in love, gently says, "We need to talk about...". I'm not arguing with the Scripture, God knows what He's talking about; just thought I'd think out loud a bit.
I'm intrigued by the end of v.7 "...so that your prayers will not be hindered". Is this saying that a lack of harmony in your home will lead to such spiritual unrest that you will be unable to pray effectively? I'll do more reading on this.
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