I am always surprised at how people perceive me. I realize everyone makes an impact/impression on the world in some shape, form or fashion, but I guess I minimize my own. With some regularity, I get asked, "How many children do you have?" Not, "Do you have kids?", though that does pop up every once in a while, and not "Are you married?", although in today's society...marriage seems to mean nothing anyway- especially with regards to having children or not. I hope this isn't a comment on the stereotype of young women (especially minority women) in America today. That's pretty depressing to think that when people see a minority female who's in her mid 20s, they automatically assume she has multiple children...likely by multiple baby-daddies and all on welfare. I seriously doubt most people ask that particular question for that reason.
I really hope the question doesn't pop up because of my physical appearance. Please don't tell me I LOOK like I've had a ton of babies! That's actually more depressing than the previous reason. Though I will admit, I've been known to eat enough for two. :-)
Occasionally I do actually ask why people think I have children, and they'll comment on some competency I've exhibited (also makes me wonder just exactly how incompetent are my fellow 20somethings?). Sunday afternoon, I was making strawberry milk for the kids at the shelter among 10 million other things that were occurring simultaneously, and one of the women that was helping me in the kitchen asked me about my kids. When I told her I wasn't married, had no babies, and no prospects (much to my annoyance), her mouth popped open and she said, "Really?!" as if, surely, I was lying. I then asked, "Why did you think I had kids?" She said, "Well I figured that was the case since you're so good at doing a million things at once." I've heard that answer before, though I don't totally agree with it. Women just seem to be naturally better at multi-tasking, babies or none. I don't know that I'm any better at it than anyone else. Other answers I've gotten are, "With your personality, it just seems like you'd have a few kids," (Not sure I totally get that...having a certain personality = having babies?), or "The way you are with kids made me think you were a mom, yourself."
I think the most popular reason people assume I have children is because I spend so much time with kids. It seems to be a foreign concept to have a single person that WANTS to spend at least a little bit of time with children on a daily basis. How could you not want to hang out with a passel of babies?! Kids are the coolest people on the planet, and they're small enough to fit inside stuff. Drop some change between your seat and the middle console in your car? Grab a kid, and have their tiny little hands fish it out for you! Can't reach something on that top shelf? Hoist a kid up on your shoulders, and BAM! those cookies you had hidden in the back of the pantry are now yours to devour secretly (though you'll have to give the child one to keep them quiet).
Anywho, those were just some of my thoughts as I was running errands today. :-) Happy Monday!
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Monday, August 18, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Right on time
So you learn a lot about yourself and your parents when one of them is in the hospital. For the past few days, the three of us have been in this one largish hospital room with my slightly cantankerous father being the focal point. I've had a couple of medium sized realizations, that have been kind of cool. The first came to me this morning when the doctor suggested we go ahead and talk to a social worker about applying for disability benefits from social security. We talked about how my father likely will not be able to return to his job in the same position he was in before. My father really isn't wanting to return to the workforce at all, which is understandable since the man is almost 61, and obviously not in good health. I told my parents I could help them with the application process, and they sort of said "yeah, okay...let's go find the social worker." Mom and I went in search of the hospital sw, and when we talked to her, all she said was "you'll have to go to the Social Security office in your area. I can't do anything." I figured that's what she'd say...I could have saved us the trip down the hall.
Mom and I returned to my dad's room, and mom told him what the SW had said. They were soon trying to figure out what SS office they were supposed to go to, and what they would need. Meanwhile, I'd quietly slipped into the corner with my laptop, and had gone to the SS website. Within seconds, I had a list of the documents they would need, and the address of the appropriate SS office. I'd even started calling to set up an appointment, but the line was busy (big surprise). My parents were still trying to figure out what to do, and I finally shared the information I had with them. The both kind of looked at me, and I think I changed from "Oh, that's just our daughter who doesn't know anything," to "This is a professional who can help us." The conversation changed, and my mom started asking me what forms did she need to get, and how could she make an appointment. She's out now, with the little grocery list of info I told her they'd need, trying to get everything.
The second "Ah-ha!" moment happened sometime between Friday and right now. In a previous post, I mentioned being afraid to face my parent's aging/mortality as a single woman. I've come to realize now, that for the time being, I'm actually in a great position to deal with my parents' aging/health issues. Unlike my siblings, I'm freer to be here with them when they need it. For the past few days, I've been spending the night right at my father's bedside, making my mother eat, and keeping on top of the hospital staff. Don't get me wrong, my sister and her family have been here to visit, but they haven't been able to stay as long. My parents feel more comfortable asking me to do things, because they know I don't really have anyone depending on me (like children or a husband). Because I was the last one to leave home, I'm the one that most familiar with their day to day lives, which is helpful when talking to the nurses, doctors, SW's, etc. My point is, God knows what He's doing. I may not always be particularly happy with my singleness, but He's definitely got a purpose for it. He's incredibly faithful, and will meet me at the point of my needs...not prematurely, not late, but right on time. I see now why the song, "He's an On Time God" was written. :-)
Mom and I returned to my dad's room, and mom told him what the SW had said. They were soon trying to figure out what SS office they were supposed to go to, and what they would need. Meanwhile, I'd quietly slipped into the corner with my laptop, and had gone to the SS website. Within seconds, I had a list of the documents they would need, and the address of the appropriate SS office. I'd even started calling to set up an appointment, but the line was busy (big surprise). My parents were still trying to figure out what to do, and I finally shared the information I had with them. The both kind of looked at me, and I think I changed from "Oh, that's just our daughter who doesn't know anything," to "This is a professional who can help us." The conversation changed, and my mom started asking me what forms did she need to get, and how could she make an appointment. She's out now, with the little grocery list of info I told her they'd need, trying to get everything.
The second "Ah-ha!" moment happened sometime between Friday and right now. In a previous post, I mentioned being afraid to face my parent's aging/mortality as a single woman. I've come to realize now, that for the time being, I'm actually in a great position to deal with my parents' aging/health issues. Unlike my siblings, I'm freer to be here with them when they need it. For the past few days, I've been spending the night right at my father's bedside, making my mother eat, and keeping on top of the hospital staff. Don't get me wrong, my sister and her family have been here to visit, but they haven't been able to stay as long. My parents feel more comfortable asking me to do things, because they know I don't really have anyone depending on me (like children or a husband). Because I was the last one to leave home, I'm the one that most familiar with their day to day lives, which is helpful when talking to the nurses, doctors, SW's, etc. My point is, God knows what He's doing. I may not always be particularly happy with my singleness, but He's definitely got a purpose for it. He's incredibly faithful, and will meet me at the point of my needs...not prematurely, not late, but right on time. I see now why the song, "He's an On Time God" was written. :-)
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