Well, it's happened. My 30th birthday has come and gone. Do I feel older? Physically? No. Emotionally? Yes. As a middle schooler, I could not wait to be in my 30s. Little did I know then the stigmas that would be attached to being *gasp* SINGLE and 30...at the same time. I know, I know...terrible. How could I let such a thing happen? Being a 30 year old single black woman in the South must mean I'm too picky, right? Heaven forbid it mean this society is producing a mass amount of a creature called the "man-child" commonly mistaken for a real man. I'm sure our society would never encourage a twisted, warped sense of entitlement in it's young people that leads these beasts to insist on this purpetual childhood where they never have to grow up/nut up, learn about delayed gratification or put someone else's needs before their own. May it never be! Well, guess what, IT BE! Parents are telling their children they are special one too many times, and yeah, here we are. I bet Obama was told he was special a lot.
I am absolutely sickened by the idea that as women get older, they should lower their standards when it comes to finding and keeping a mate. Have we forgotten one key factor? Women get BETTER as we age! As far as appearance goes, we look more grown up, less like the girls on Girls Gone Wild and more like Wonder Woman or Xena-Warrior Princess. Intellectually, we're sharper, wiser, more discerning and not worried about appearing "too smart". We've realized intelligence is sexy! Bear with me on this one (if you are ultra conservative, you may need to turn away), sexually, women peak much later than men (like the 30s/40s). That's all I'm gonna say about that. We are more confident in our abilities and our careers are established. In this day and age, most of us have/are working towards buying our first home and are financially responsible. Many people compare women to a fine wine, but I saw we are more like a good bourbon. The older we get, the more well rounded and smooth we become...without losing our strength. Does this sound like the type of woman who should/has to settle for whatever stagnant, immature caveman wanders out into light after 8 hours of video games to club some unsuspecting vixen over the head, and drag her back to his Cheeto and Axe body spray scented man cave? HELL NO! The only difference between 30somethings and the youngn's out there, is that WE KNOW BETTER! I hear so many young ladies talking about thinking all of the foolishness these little boys out there are doing is "cute" and something they will "grow out of". I am a grown woman...what is wrong with expecting one of my peers to be grown as well? NOTHING! All I can say is, the older I get, the better I get, so a potential mate better bring his A game.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, May 29, 2011
What do you really really want?
One of my guilty pleasures is Sex and the City. Even though the show has been off the air for a while now, I still love watching the reruns. It's a morally bankrupt show, I know, and it's not something I should be filling my mind with, I understand all of these things. This is why I said it was a guilty pleasure. Last night, during one of my all time favorite scenes from the show, I had an epiphany of sorts.
The character Charlotte (who I feel most closely relates to me in both style and personality), broke up with the love of her life, Harry, a short, bald attorney who is Jewish. She converted to Judaism (she was formally Episcopalian) so that he could marry her. They were serious, but he hadn't proposed, and she assumed that once she converted a proposal would be immediate. They got into an argument when she demanded that he "set the date!". He left, and she was heartbroken. Fast forward two weeks, her friends are trying to set up her with people and suggesting she get back out there. She goes to a Jewish singles mixer, and after talking to a really nice guy, realizes she's not ready to date because she's still madly in love with Harry. She turns to scan the room, hoping that by some random chance Harry is there. Of course, he's there, and their eyes meet. She walks over, and begins a heartfelt confession of her "foolishness" and says, "I don't care if we ever get married. Harry, I just want to be with you. If you could just call me or maybe even ask me out again, I would really appreciate it." **Spoiler alert** He then drops on one knee and proposes. Happy ending? We'll see.
Exhibit B is in one of my favorite movies, "He's Just Not That Into You". Jennifer Aniston's character finally comes to a point where she draws a line in the sand and says to her boyfriend (Ben Affleck) of 7 years, "Will you ever marry me?" When he doesn't say anything, she breaks up with him. Over the coming weeks, she goes through being part of her younger sister's wedding and her father having a heart attack. She becomes increasingly upset and lonely. Ben Affleck's character then waltz's in like a knight in tarnished armor and this once wonderfully courageous woman breaks down and says, "I don't care if we ever get married, I just want you for the rest of my life. I am willing to take marriage completely off the table." **Spoiler alter** He then proposes.
What is the moral of these stories? What message does this send? Women: toss your standards, hopes and dreams aside. Do whatever it takes to get a man. Men: wait a woman out. You don't have to rise to clear the bar, just wait until you can slither under it. Don't worry about being a man of character and integrity, one who honors and respects women and provides for his mate. If you wait her out, she'll get so desperate, she'll come crawling to you on your terms. No need to take initiative, she'll eventually do it.I think what's most depressing for me is that I was sucked in by all of this. I was so caught up in the rush that these women got their man in the end, that I didn't think about how they got there. I was kind of proud of both of them for saying "I want to get married", and I overlooked their weakness in the end.
I know, as a general rule, we shouldn't look to media for guidance and life advice, but this is one instance where I see art imitating life. All across the country, and likely the world, scenarios like these are plaid out daily. Women try to be true to themselves, try to hold a certain standard, but in the end the pressure to get a man is too great, and they cave. Women are afraid to expect more. At some point, we started to believe that expecting men to be men would make us seem needy and demanding. Somewhere along the way, having standards guaranteed singleness. We're so afraid of seeming weak, needy, snobby, or unappealing that we can't even let a man open a door for us without a fight. A life of singleness seems far worse a fate than being stuck in a mixed up relationship in which we call all the shots, and our significant other is some sniveling, weak excuse for a man. So many women complain that there are no real men left in society. Of course there aren't, the feminists have locked them all in a basement, labeling them Neanderthals and chauvinistic pigs. Rather than give their guys opportunities to step up and be the kind of man they should be, Charlotte and Aniston's characters crumble. Women today are afraid to wait for what God has for us and just like in musical chairs, we scramble for whatever is left. We leap desperately for what we feel is our last shot.
Psalm 27 verse 14 says it well, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"
The character Charlotte (who I feel most closely relates to me in both style and personality), broke up with the love of her life, Harry, a short, bald attorney who is Jewish. She converted to Judaism (she was formally Episcopalian) so that he could marry her. They were serious, but he hadn't proposed, and she assumed that once she converted a proposal would be immediate. They got into an argument when she demanded that he "set the date!". He left, and she was heartbroken. Fast forward two weeks, her friends are trying to set up her with people and suggesting she get back out there. She goes to a Jewish singles mixer, and after talking to a really nice guy, realizes she's not ready to date because she's still madly in love with Harry. She turns to scan the room, hoping that by some random chance Harry is there. Of course, he's there, and their eyes meet. She walks over, and begins a heartfelt confession of her "foolishness" and says, "I don't care if we ever get married. Harry, I just want to be with you. If you could just call me or maybe even ask me out again, I would really appreciate it." **Spoiler alert** He then drops on one knee and proposes. Happy ending? We'll see.
Exhibit B is in one of my favorite movies, "He's Just Not That Into You". Jennifer Aniston's character finally comes to a point where she draws a line in the sand and says to her boyfriend (Ben Affleck) of 7 years, "Will you ever marry me?" When he doesn't say anything, she breaks up with him. Over the coming weeks, she goes through being part of her younger sister's wedding and her father having a heart attack. She becomes increasingly upset and lonely. Ben Affleck's character then waltz's in like a knight in tarnished armor and this once wonderfully courageous woman breaks down and says, "I don't care if we ever get married, I just want you for the rest of my life. I am willing to take marriage completely off the table." **Spoiler alter** He then proposes.
What is the moral of these stories? What message does this send? Women: toss your standards, hopes and dreams aside. Do whatever it takes to get a man. Men: wait a woman out. You don't have to rise to clear the bar, just wait until you can slither under it. Don't worry about being a man of character and integrity, one who honors and respects women and provides for his mate. If you wait her out, she'll get so desperate, she'll come crawling to you on your terms. No need to take initiative, she'll eventually do it.I think what's most depressing for me is that I was sucked in by all of this. I was so caught up in the rush that these women got their man in the end, that I didn't think about how they got there. I was kind of proud of both of them for saying "I want to get married", and I overlooked their weakness in the end.
I know, as a general rule, we shouldn't look to media for guidance and life advice, but this is one instance where I see art imitating life. All across the country, and likely the world, scenarios like these are plaid out daily. Women try to be true to themselves, try to hold a certain standard, but in the end the pressure to get a man is too great, and they cave. Women are afraid to expect more. At some point, we started to believe that expecting men to be men would make us seem needy and demanding. Somewhere along the way, having standards guaranteed singleness. We're so afraid of seeming weak, needy, snobby, or unappealing that we can't even let a man open a door for us without a fight. A life of singleness seems far worse a fate than being stuck in a mixed up relationship in which we call all the shots, and our significant other is some sniveling, weak excuse for a man. So many women complain that there are no real men left in society. Of course there aren't, the feminists have locked them all in a basement, labeling them Neanderthals and chauvinistic pigs. Rather than give their guys opportunities to step up and be the kind of man they should be, Charlotte and Aniston's characters crumble. Women today are afraid to wait for what God has for us and just like in musical chairs, we scramble for whatever is left. We leap desperately for what we feel is our last shot.
Psalm 27 verse 14 says it well, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"
Friday, May 27, 2011
Down to the country to ...?
I know I'm one of the world's worst bloggers, but rather than apologize for not posting daily, I'll just say this...I gots stuff to do.
Living with my parents is pretty much what I expected, but what I didn't count on is my body's physical reaction to being back. I'm not sure if it's stress or what, but my body doesn't like being back here. From migraines to hives, it's been tough being here. Emotionally, I know I'm being assaulted left and right by evil. Terrible thoughts plague me, making me want to be harbor anger, resentment and give in to despair. You know what, though? I refuse! Occasionally I find myself dwelling on past hurts and bad memories, and I replay ever horrid bit over and over again until the wound feels fresh. Perhaps part of the reason I'm here is because God wants me to experience real healing. Things that I thought weren't an issue seem larger than Him.
One really awesome thing I've experienced here is His relentless pursuit of me. He will not leave me alone, for which I'm incredibly grateful. I've had so much time to look back on where I started and where He's brought me. Through all the ups, downs and plateaus His faithfulness has been a constant.
Living with my parents is pretty much what I expected, but what I didn't count on is my body's physical reaction to being back. I'm not sure if it's stress or what, but my body doesn't like being back here. From migraines to hives, it's been tough being here. Emotionally, I know I'm being assaulted left and right by evil. Terrible thoughts plague me, making me want to be harbor anger, resentment and give in to despair. You know what, though? I refuse! Occasionally I find myself dwelling on past hurts and bad memories, and I replay ever horrid bit over and over again until the wound feels fresh. Perhaps part of the reason I'm here is because God wants me to experience real healing. Things that I thought weren't an issue seem larger than Him.
One really awesome thing I've experienced here is His relentless pursuit of me. He will not leave me alone, for which I'm incredibly grateful. I've had so much time to look back on where I started and where He's brought me. Through all the ups, downs and plateaus His faithfulness has been a constant.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Broken and blessed
When you work with people, you are working with depraved sinners in need of grace...in need of a Savior just like you. Sometimes in our loftier moments, we like to think of ourselves as being somehow removed...somehow better. In especially difficult occupations/roles, our pride makes us strive towards unbreakability. While as believers, we should be unshakable, sin must not come as a surprise, unbreakability is not a trait God wants to instill in us. In fact, He wants quite the opposite.
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" -Psalm 51:17
When we accept, proclaim, and own Christ as our Savior we are reborn with a new, clean heart...made of flesh. This delicate, exposed heart could also be likened to porcelain. Fragile and easily broken. A broken heart is painful, but so beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. It's not a weakness...something to be ashamed of, NO, it is something to fall on your face before your Creator and praise Him for giving you the ability to feel. In this broken, vulnerable state, you can truly love, and love like Him.
God does not break us for His own sadistic pleasure. He breaks us to let us know He is alive, we are alive, and to rebuild us. The very moment we cease to feel, to experience heartache is the moment we cease to live. Compassion is often rooted, not in warm-fuzzies, but rather a broken heart...our fleshly heart cannot sit idly by while another suffers. Instead, it is moved to action.
Lord, may I never outlive my love for You or Your people. If ever I believe I am unbreakable, show me I am not. Thank You, Father, for every tear, heartbreak, every second of brokenness. Thank You for rebuilding, restoring and reviving me. Your mercy is undeserved, Your grace is endless, and Your love is incomprehensible. Amen.
The following song is one of my favorites. It is performed by Barlow Girls.
Broken heart
One more time
Pick yourself up
Why even cry
Broken pieces in your hands
Wonder how you'll make it whole
CHORUS:
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine
Of mine....
Someone said "A broken heart
Would sting at first then make you stronger"
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break
CHORUS:
Creator only you take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again
Chorus:
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart
Please mend this porcelain heart
Of mine of mine Creator mend this heart
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" -Psalm 51:17
When we accept, proclaim, and own Christ as our Savior we are reborn with a new, clean heart...made of flesh. This delicate, exposed heart could also be likened to porcelain. Fragile and easily broken. A broken heart is painful, but so beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. It's not a weakness...something to be ashamed of, NO, it is something to fall on your face before your Creator and praise Him for giving you the ability to feel. In this broken, vulnerable state, you can truly love, and love like Him.
God does not break us for His own sadistic pleasure. He breaks us to let us know He is alive, we are alive, and to rebuild us. The very moment we cease to feel, to experience heartache is the moment we cease to live. Compassion is often rooted, not in warm-fuzzies, but rather a broken heart...our fleshly heart cannot sit idly by while another suffers. Instead, it is moved to action.
Lord, may I never outlive my love for You or Your people. If ever I believe I am unbreakable, show me I am not. Thank You, Father, for every tear, heartbreak, every second of brokenness. Thank You for rebuilding, restoring and reviving me. Your mercy is undeserved, Your grace is endless, and Your love is incomprehensible. Amen.
The following song is one of my favorites. It is performed by Barlow Girls.
Broken heart
One more time
Pick yourself up
Why even cry
Broken pieces in your hands
Wonder how you'll make it whole
CHORUS:
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine
Of mine....
Someone said "A broken heart
Would sting at first then make you stronger"
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break
CHORUS:
Creator only you take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again
Chorus:
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
You know You pray
This can't be the way
You cry You say
Some thing's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart
Please mend this porcelain heart
Of mine of mine Creator mend this heart
Thursday, April 22, 2010
all by myself with you
"I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you are to me...please, please, don't leave me. I always say how I don't need you, but it's always gonna come right back to this...please, don't leave me..." -Pink, Please Don't Leave Me
This is not a quote from a hymn...not even a modern worship song. It's a song sung by the pop artist, Pink. Funny thing is...it could have easily been something straight from Scripture.
Yesterday, I was talking with someone about how God's pursuing of me seems to have intensified lately. He's definitely wooing me all over again, appealing to my hopelessly romantic nature...a quality He Himself thoughtfully and lovingly created in me before there even was a me. There are times when I'm out jogging or hiking or even just walking through a parking lot, were it seems God brings my attention to some absolutely breathtakingly beautiful bit of nature and whispers softly, "For you, beloved."
Usually, my heart is easily re-captivated by my Father and King during these moments, but it's the in-between times that led me to start with the quote at the top of this post. How often do you stop and just praise God for His beauty? His grace? His faithfulness? His unending, undeserved love? Not nearly enough, I'm afraid. Fear not, for I am in that boat with you. None of us...not a one, could love Him back as fiercely, as rightly and passionately as He loves us. We do quite the opposite at times, actually. It's almost laughable how so often in the Old Testament we read, "...and the people again sinned in the sight of the Lord" or something along those lines. On one page we read of some amazing blessing God bestowed upon His children, then we turn the page (or even just move to the next paragraph) and read about how those same people have forgotten their Creator, the very Source of their blessings, and sinned yet again. There are times when I read passages like that and shout, "Seriously?!!" Yes, seriously. We're like that.
So often we try to live by our own might, our own power, and feel as if God is here to serve us, not the other way around. We get to the point were we think we've "got it", then we're proven horribly, horribly wrong. Then it is at that point, when we're setting up shop in Rock-bottomville, that we cry out, "please don't leave me!!" Can you imagine how much patience God has to have when it comes to us? It's just like when a child says, "I want to do it all by myself, Daddy" all the while they cling to their father's hand. I've even caught myself saying, "I want to be by myself...with people." We say we want to be left alone...as long as we don't have to do it alone. God's gotta laugh at that sometimes.
Anywho, I think the following hymn says a lot of what I'm thinking at this moment, enjoy, for it is one of my favorites. Pay close attention to the verse that says, "prone to wander...". Good stuff
Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing
by: Robert Robinson, 1758
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
This is not a quote from a hymn...not even a modern worship song. It's a song sung by the pop artist, Pink. Funny thing is...it could have easily been something straight from Scripture.
Yesterday, I was talking with someone about how God's pursuing of me seems to have intensified lately. He's definitely wooing me all over again, appealing to my hopelessly romantic nature...a quality He Himself thoughtfully and lovingly created in me before there even was a me. There are times when I'm out jogging or hiking or even just walking through a parking lot, were it seems God brings my attention to some absolutely breathtakingly beautiful bit of nature and whispers softly, "For you, beloved."
Usually, my heart is easily re-captivated by my Father and King during these moments, but it's the in-between times that led me to start with the quote at the top of this post. How often do you stop and just praise God for His beauty? His grace? His faithfulness? His unending, undeserved love? Not nearly enough, I'm afraid. Fear not, for I am in that boat with you. None of us...not a one, could love Him back as fiercely, as rightly and passionately as He loves us. We do quite the opposite at times, actually. It's almost laughable how so often in the Old Testament we read, "...and the people again sinned in the sight of the Lord" or something along those lines. On one page we read of some amazing blessing God bestowed upon His children, then we turn the page (or even just move to the next paragraph) and read about how those same people have forgotten their Creator, the very Source of their blessings, and sinned yet again. There are times when I read passages like that and shout, "Seriously?!!" Yes, seriously. We're like that.
So often we try to live by our own might, our own power, and feel as if God is here to serve us, not the other way around. We get to the point were we think we've "got it", then we're proven horribly, horribly wrong. Then it is at that point, when we're setting up shop in Rock-bottomville, that we cry out, "please don't leave me!!" Can you imagine how much patience God has to have when it comes to us? It's just like when a child says, "I want to do it all by myself, Daddy" all the while they cling to their father's hand. I've even caught myself saying, "I want to be by myself...with people." We say we want to be left alone...as long as we don't have to do it alone. God's gotta laugh at that sometimes.
Anywho, I think the following hymn says a lot of what I'm thinking at this moment, enjoy, for it is one of my favorites. Pay close attention to the verse that says, "prone to wander...". Good stuff
Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing
by: Robert Robinson, 1758
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Finding home
My life over the past few months has been nothing short of chaotic, fun, miserable, meaningful, and frustrating. For you bloggers out there, one of the most notable things that has occurred is that my computer has died. There is no bringing it back in the near future, and I've even had my Internet cancelled at home. Surprisingly, I haven't really missed having 24/7 access to the Internet (who are we kidding, what I really mean is 27/7 access to facebook). Every once in a while, I wince because I've missed an important email or message, but other than that, it's really been nice to focus my energies on other things.
Ballroom dancing has really taken over my life; it's crazy. Not a day goes by that I don't dance...even if just for a few seconds. Being a single woman can make the love of dance quite frustrating. For those of us ladies out there who refuse to step out of our role as the pursued, this can mean sitting out during many great songs...many dances not danced. The desire to be sought after does not dissipate when one steps into the dance hall. There's something about dancing that changes a woman. I don't know if it's just me, but it's almost this Cinderella experience. You're sitting there, and this wonderful song comes on, then out of no where a gentleman comes and asks you to dance. You spin, glide, laugh and get wrapped up in the rhythm, the sweet melody, and if you're lucky...your partner. It can be an intoxicating experience. For a moment, you feel beautiful, carefree and happy. Now please don't get too bogged down in the romantic side of ballroom dancing, it can be maddening when you can't seem to get the steps right, you're off rhythm, and the cologne of one of your dance partners just won't seem to wash off...even after using a Brillo pad to scrub your skin. Ah yes, even after nights like that, I still love dancing. I could go on about it, but I think you catch my drift.
I find myself becoming more settled in my life. I'm starting to get more involved with my community, and really taking a look at what being an active, productive citizen means to me. At the moment, I'm starting small...coaching a little league team, and being part of a homeless coalition. Hopefully, I'll add to my activities more over the next few years. My schedule is seriously getting jam packed each week. At first my weekends were sort of wide open, but not those are also requiring a good bit of coordination. Both this coming Friday and Saturday, I may attempt to be in 3 different places at once.
I like being busy, though. It keeps me out of trouble. I'm not sure if literally not having time to get into trouble really counts as triumphing over temptation...probably not. The real test comes in the quite. What do you think about...dwell on...when everything else is silent? One thing I've taken the time to think about is my singleness. What to do with it, how to handle it, possible causes of it. For the first time in my life, I'm genuinely okay with being single. Hmm..."okay" isn't the best word; let's go with "at home". Yes, that has a better ring to it. I'm at home in my singleness. What does this mean? It doesn't mean I've abandoned all hope in obtaining a husband, I think marriage is a great and wonderfully sanctifying thing if that's what the Lord has called you to. Being at home in my singleness is more like diving head first into it and enjoying where the Lord has me. It's cultivating a rich life without constantly looking over my shoulder to see if Mr. Right is coming. It's realizing I can still very much so be a homemaker even though I don't have a husband or children. I can make people feel loved, welcomed, and at home with me. It also means I can feel at home in myself, and while I'm not always happy with everything about myself, I do have a pretty good idea of who I am, and what I want.
Friendships mean so much more when you take the time to really digest them, savor conversations with close friends, stoke the fires of acquaintanceship, and rebuilding broken relationships. Friendship really does add spice to life.
To sum everything up, I'll describe the past few months in 3 words: joy, passion, and frustration. So much has happened, way more than I care to cover here, but do know, gentle readers, that I have not forgotten you!
Ballroom dancing has really taken over my life; it's crazy. Not a day goes by that I don't dance...even if just for a few seconds. Being a single woman can make the love of dance quite frustrating. For those of us ladies out there who refuse to step out of our role as the pursued, this can mean sitting out during many great songs...many dances not danced. The desire to be sought after does not dissipate when one steps into the dance hall. There's something about dancing that changes a woman. I don't know if it's just me, but it's almost this Cinderella experience. You're sitting there, and this wonderful song comes on, then out of no where a gentleman comes and asks you to dance. You spin, glide, laugh and get wrapped up in the rhythm, the sweet melody, and if you're lucky...your partner. It can be an intoxicating experience. For a moment, you feel beautiful, carefree and happy. Now please don't get too bogged down in the romantic side of ballroom dancing, it can be maddening when you can't seem to get the steps right, you're off rhythm, and the cologne of one of your dance partners just won't seem to wash off...even after using a Brillo pad to scrub your skin. Ah yes, even after nights like that, I still love dancing. I could go on about it, but I think you catch my drift.
I find myself becoming more settled in my life. I'm starting to get more involved with my community, and really taking a look at what being an active, productive citizen means to me. At the moment, I'm starting small...coaching a little league team, and being part of a homeless coalition. Hopefully, I'll add to my activities more over the next few years. My schedule is seriously getting jam packed each week. At first my weekends were sort of wide open, but not those are also requiring a good bit of coordination. Both this coming Friday and Saturday, I may attempt to be in 3 different places at once.
I like being busy, though. It keeps me out of trouble. I'm not sure if literally not having time to get into trouble really counts as triumphing over temptation...probably not. The real test comes in the quite. What do you think about...dwell on...when everything else is silent? One thing I've taken the time to think about is my singleness. What to do with it, how to handle it, possible causes of it. For the first time in my life, I'm genuinely okay with being single. Hmm..."okay" isn't the best word; let's go with "at home". Yes, that has a better ring to it. I'm at home in my singleness. What does this mean? It doesn't mean I've abandoned all hope in obtaining a husband, I think marriage is a great and wonderfully sanctifying thing if that's what the Lord has called you to. Being at home in my singleness is more like diving head first into it and enjoying where the Lord has me. It's cultivating a rich life without constantly looking over my shoulder to see if Mr. Right is coming. It's realizing I can still very much so be a homemaker even though I don't have a husband or children. I can make people feel loved, welcomed, and at home with me. It also means I can feel at home in myself, and while I'm not always happy with everything about myself, I do have a pretty good idea of who I am, and what I want.
Friendships mean so much more when you take the time to really digest them, savor conversations with close friends, stoke the fires of acquaintanceship, and rebuilding broken relationships. Friendship really does add spice to life.
To sum everything up, I'll describe the past few months in 3 words: joy, passion, and frustration. So much has happened, way more than I care to cover here, but do know, gentle readers, that I have not forgotten you!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Cry from the clay
A thousand sins, painfully written
On my heart, my soul is stricken
I heartily long for You to stay
And wash, these wretched sins away
Make me new as the morn,
Please mend my heart; as it is torn.
Catch my tears as they fall,
I know You see and number them all.
When at last my soul is free
O, dear Lord Your praise will fly from me
A new life has been given
Pray I, my God, my soul be wholly smitten
On my heart, my soul is stricken
I heartily long for You to stay
And wash, these wretched sins away
Make me new as the morn,
Please mend my heart; as it is torn.
Catch my tears as they fall,
I know You see and number them all.
When at last my soul is free
O, dear Lord Your praise will fly from me
A new life has been given
Pray I, my God, my soul be wholly smitten
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I need You to love me
"I Need You To Love Me"
Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You
[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Chances are, if I wear a silly grin, the moment you walk into view...
Occasionally, I find myself indulging in some pretty self-centered thoughts. For instance, when I walk outside at night and the weather is absolutely perfect...not too cold, not too hot, a hint of humidity, a light breeze and the stars seem close enough to touch; I tend to think God put all that together just for me. Now I'm aware everyone else can feel the breeze, see the stars and enjoy the night as well, but maybe not appreciate it the way I do. What about stumbling across some wonderfully isolated, country road with cows, tall grass and wildflowers as far as the eye can see? Not that many people would get to see that...surely that's for me, too. Or those intensely gray days that promise rain. Usually those bring everyone's spirits down, well, everyone except me. They lift my mood like nothing else. On those days in particular I really feel pursued by the Lover of my soul.
I just want to sit and bask in His extravagant love and affection. The Lord knows what makes me laugh, what makes me cry, what makes me sigh dreamily, and what will be a source of great delight. He knows me. He slowly and tenderly draws my hear out, and calls me to higher heights with Him. "My Beloved speaks and says to me, 'Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away...'" (SOS 2:10).
I'll admit, it's hard to keep from running the streets shouting of the awesomeness of my Creator, sometimes. I suppose it's not too different from being in love with a man...except men give a dozen roses; God gives a field full. "Behold, yee peoples, the work of my Beloved! Make note of the stars in the sky, the flowers in the field, the cool breeze on a hot day, the contagious laughter of a child; all the handiwork of the Lover of my Soul!" I am proud to call Him mine, and thanks to the blood of the Lamb that was shed for me, I am His. Hallelujah!
I just want to sit and bask in His extravagant love and affection. The Lord knows what makes me laugh, what makes me cry, what makes me sigh dreamily, and what will be a source of great delight. He knows me. He slowly and tenderly draws my hear out, and calls me to higher heights with Him. "My Beloved speaks and says to me, 'Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away...'" (SOS 2:10).
I'll admit, it's hard to keep from running the streets shouting of the awesomeness of my Creator, sometimes. I suppose it's not too different from being in love with a man...except men give a dozen roses; God gives a field full. "Behold, yee peoples, the work of my Beloved! Make note of the stars in the sky, the flowers in the field, the cool breeze on a hot day, the contagious laughter of a child; all the handiwork of the Lover of my Soul!" I am proud to call Him mine, and thanks to the blood of the Lamb that was shed for me, I am His. Hallelujah!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
My lover calls to me
For those of you who are married, you would, without a doubt, be able to discern your lover's voice no matter how strange it sounded. After years or even months of being together, you've learned every nuance to their voice, and it likely stirs something within you.
We are to be the same way with God. "My beloved speaks and says to me, 'Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away..." (SOS 2:10). When He whispers to us in the night, we should be moved...awakened. There is also wisdom that comes in knowing when our Beloved is speaking to us. It is vital to our faith that we hear and respond to the call of our Shepherd, lest we veer from the path He's set out for us.
Currently, I'm straining to hear Him. I've got a restlessness in my heart that is driving me crazy. I can't figure out if it is just my own discontentment brought about because my flesh is telling me God isn't enough in some area of my life, or if God is urging me in a new direction and the Spirit within me is responding in spite of my flesh's lack of faith. One reason I haven't heard is because I haven't stopped fretting/worrying/jabbering about this problem enough to actually hear His voice. It's amazing what happens when we close our mouths and open our ears.
That's always been one of my problems...I talk at God too much. Yes, "at" is the correct word here. It's like when someone walks up to you and begins talking 100 miles a minute, and you slowly start tuning them out. No longer are you engaged in a conversation, you're just waiting for them to be quiet so maybe you could say something. God, in His infinite patience and faithfulness has not tuned me out, of course. Nay, He is just waiting for me to wait on Him.
At any rate, God is always moving, and I will determine to be eager, not anxious, about what He's up to.
We are to be the same way with God. "My beloved speaks and says to me, 'Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away..." (SOS 2:10). When He whispers to us in the night, we should be moved...awakened. There is also wisdom that comes in knowing when our Beloved is speaking to us. It is vital to our faith that we hear and respond to the call of our Shepherd, lest we veer from the path He's set out for us.
Currently, I'm straining to hear Him. I've got a restlessness in my heart that is driving me crazy. I can't figure out if it is just my own discontentment brought about because my flesh is telling me God isn't enough in some area of my life, or if God is urging me in a new direction and the Spirit within me is responding in spite of my flesh's lack of faith. One reason I haven't heard is because I haven't stopped fretting/worrying/jabbering about this problem enough to actually hear His voice. It's amazing what happens when we close our mouths and open our ears.
That's always been one of my problems...I talk at God too much. Yes, "at" is the correct word here. It's like when someone walks up to you and begins talking 100 miles a minute, and you slowly start tuning them out. No longer are you engaged in a conversation, you're just waiting for them to be quiet so maybe you could say something. God, in His infinite patience and faithfulness has not tuned me out, of course. Nay, He is just waiting for me to wait on Him.
At any rate, God is always moving, and I will determine to be eager, not anxious, about what He's up to.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
quick thoughts on marriage
The other night, I was sitting and talking to some of the ladies from the shelter. Each was sharing their story, and talking about the different men who'd hurt them at some point in their life. After about an hour, they shuffled off to bed. One came back at about midnight, wanting to chat some more. She began telling me about all the things that went wrong in her marriage. She said her husband called her a bad parent, and in the same breath that she cared too much about the kids. As she was telling me this, she said, "My life is and always will be about my kids," then to my horror, she continued with "if given the choice between him (her husband) and my kids, of course I'm going to chose my kids. He couldn't handle that."
Ladies, respect your husband. He should never be made to feel as if he's disposable!! It doesn't matter if he's not a great leader, if he leaves the clothes on top of the hamper rather than IN the hamper, if he seems unmotivated. Wives are commanded to respect their head! "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Eph 5:33)" Regarding hubby vs babies, your husband is to come out on top. He was there first, your marriage existed before your children. The way I see it, it's like trying to save the shingles on a house that's burning.
Ladies, respect your husband. He should never be made to feel as if he's disposable!! It doesn't matter if he's not a great leader, if he leaves the clothes on top of the hamper rather than IN the hamper, if he seems unmotivated. Wives are commanded to respect their head! "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Eph 5:33)" Regarding hubby vs babies, your husband is to come out on top. He was there first, your marriage existed before your children. The way I see it, it's like trying to save the shingles on a house that's burning.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Love shouldn't hurt, love shouldn't scar
Not for the first time, I was pulled from the depths of slumber by the sound of a woman crying. At first I thought perhaps I'd misheard, so I merely turned over and reunited with my pillow. As is usually the case, however, the crying and screaming was not to be ignored. After hearing it again, I got up and peered out my window to see what I could see. There was nothing amiss in the parking lot, and it was difficult to pinpoint where exactly the sounds were coming from. I then went to my living room, and looked out the window there. Again, nothing. As I stood scratching my head, and figuring out my plan of action, I heard a man's voice telling the woman to "Shut the !@#$ up!" More crying and screaming followed.
As I said at the beginning of this post, this isn't the first time I've dealt with this situation. This isn't even the first time I've dealt with it at this apartment complex. At a former residence, I dealt with it on an almost weekly basis. My neighbors fought all the time, and it was not uncommon to hear the female in the courtyard screaming for her bf to come back and to hear him respond "Get back in the apartment before I do something you'll regret." At some point after he drove off, I'd try to talk to the girl...help her think about her options. It was like repeatedly running into a brick wall. After a little less than a year, the couple moved. Maybe it had something to do with the frequency of the cops knocking on their door, or maybe the shame of everyone knowing about their business was too much to handle. Who knows. I pray that both are alive and well.
Back to this morning. I decided the best course of action would be to attempt to pinpoint where exactly the abuse was taking place. I got dressed, and went outside. All was clear. I pretended I was walking to my car, and as I rounded a corner, I immediately heard the sounds of arguing. To make sure I had the right apartment, I rounded another corner to get to the parking lot to where my car was actually parked. As it turns out, my car was parked mere feet from their bedroom window. I confirmed the sounds of arguing and screaming, then quickly went back to my apartment and called the cops. After giving the appropriate information, I stood by my bedroom window, watching and waiting. I then witnessed the girl emerge from her building, crying a little. She hopped in her car and was off. Seriously, 1-2 minutes later, she came back with a man in her car. They parked, and I guess they went into her apartment. I'm not exactly sure what happened here...who this man was...or anything. I made another trip to my "car", and on the way back to my apartment, I passed the girl and this guy. Both were smiling and talking...they even smiled at me. I know some of you are like me, and are wondering "where were the police?". Good question. WHERE were THE POLICE? To my knowledge, they did not show up.
I'm up now...so much for sleeping in. I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to this girl, for this actually is not the first time I've been woken up by DV against her. The last time was a few months ago, and a bit more severe. As someone who works for an abuse center, I feel it is my duty to talk to her. As a Christian, I know I must reach out to this hurting woman. I must extend to love and mercy of my Savior. not just to figure out the logistics...
As I said at the beginning of this post, this isn't the first time I've dealt with this situation. This isn't even the first time I've dealt with it at this apartment complex. At a former residence, I dealt with it on an almost weekly basis. My neighbors fought all the time, and it was not uncommon to hear the female in the courtyard screaming for her bf to come back and to hear him respond "Get back in the apartment before I do something you'll regret." At some point after he drove off, I'd try to talk to the girl...help her think about her options. It was like repeatedly running into a brick wall. After a little less than a year, the couple moved. Maybe it had something to do with the frequency of the cops knocking on their door, or maybe the shame of everyone knowing about their business was too much to handle. Who knows. I pray that both are alive and well.
Back to this morning. I decided the best course of action would be to attempt to pinpoint where exactly the abuse was taking place. I got dressed, and went outside. All was clear. I pretended I was walking to my car, and as I rounded a corner, I immediately heard the sounds of arguing. To make sure I had the right apartment, I rounded another corner to get to the parking lot to where my car was actually parked. As it turns out, my car was parked mere feet from their bedroom window. I confirmed the sounds of arguing and screaming, then quickly went back to my apartment and called the cops. After giving the appropriate information, I stood by my bedroom window, watching and waiting. I then witnessed the girl emerge from her building, crying a little. She hopped in her car and was off. Seriously, 1-2 minutes later, she came back with a man in her car. They parked, and I guess they went into her apartment. I'm not exactly sure what happened here...who this man was...or anything. I made another trip to my "car", and on the way back to my apartment, I passed the girl and this guy. Both were smiling and talking...they even smiled at me. I know some of you are like me, and are wondering "where were the police?". Good question. WHERE were THE POLICE? To my knowledge, they did not show up.
I'm up now...so much for sleeping in. I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to this girl, for this actually is not the first time I've been woken up by DV against her. The last time was a few months ago, and a bit more severe. As someone who works for an abuse center, I feel it is my duty to talk to her. As a Christian, I know I must reach out to this hurting woman. I must extend to love and mercy of my Savior. not just to figure out the logistics...
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
So in an effort to hone some of my domestic skills, I'll be focusing more on cooking (as if I don't do that enough, already!), and sewing. Admittedly, I dropped the needle a year or so ago, and I have yet to make any clothing for myself, so this will be a fun project. For the cooking, I'm really looking into baking breads and other grain oriented staples. My first sewing project will be to make a skirt. This particular project was born from my irritation with the lack of affordable skirts in stores. Not just skirts, but long, plain skirts. I've decided it will be much easier just to make my own skirt...exactly the way I want it. We'll see how that goes.
Financially, I'm really working on streamlining my budget and STICKING TO the budget. That's been a real struggle for me in the past, but God is really dealing with me in this (and so many other) areas.
Anywho, I've been in a book frenzy lately. Over the past couple of weeks, I've really added quite a few good works to my bookshelf. Interestingly enough, many of the books are bent towards marriage and being a godly woman. God is really making me long to grow in femininity and take on the characteristics of a woman after His own heart. Praise Him.
My current prayer is that I would learn to be more content with the life God has given me. That I would stop worrying myself silly about "what's next", and take care of the here and now. Also that I would learn how encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ with Truth and love.
"O, how He loves you and me! O, how He loves you and me! He gave His life, what more could He give? O, how He loves you! O, how He loves me! O, how He loves you and me!"
Financially, I'm really working on streamlining my budget and STICKING TO the budget. That's been a real struggle for me in the past, but God is really dealing with me in this (and so many other) areas.
Anywho, I've been in a book frenzy lately. Over the past couple of weeks, I've really added quite a few good works to my bookshelf. Interestingly enough, many of the books are bent towards marriage and being a godly woman. God is really making me long to grow in femininity and take on the characteristics of a woman after His own heart. Praise Him.
My current prayer is that I would learn to be more content with the life God has given me. That I would stop worrying myself silly about "what's next", and take care of the here and now. Also that I would learn how encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ with Truth and love.
"O, how He loves you and me! O, how He loves you and me! He gave His life, what more could He give? O, how He loves you! O, how He loves me! O, how He loves you and me!"
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Papa, can you hear me?
I love my church for many reasons, but one of the big ones has got to be the men. Now, before you get all fired up to preach at me about keeping myself focused on things above, let me explain. I love that the men in my church are real men. They lead their families with strength, humbleness, integrity, and an earnest fear of God. I feel like across the board in both secular and religious circles, fatherhood is making a comeback, Praise the Lord! Children desperately need daddies. In a day and age when young ladies are seeking affection (physical and emotional) from practically any and every man they come in contact with, never has the demand for strong male headship in families been more prevalent. I'm a huge fan of www.fatherhood.org, and their mission. Below is one of my favorite ads, it's absolutely precious. If you are a father (doesn't matter if your children are grown or still growing), I encourage you to check out this website, then take action! You have buckets of influence over your child's emotional, mental, and physical well being both now and in the future.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I'll raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I've come;
And I hope by, Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus saught me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me,
Mortal tongue can never tell;
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Hear's my heart, O take it and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send Thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
-words by: Robert Robinson, 1758
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I'll raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I've come;
And I hope by, Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus saught me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me,
Mortal tongue can never tell;
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Hear's my heart, O take it and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send Thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
-words by: Robert Robinson, 1758
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The doughboy's gonna get it.
Oh my goodness, I love this article so much, I could barely contain my glee while reading it. I'm sure many of you aren't too surprised this article makes me happy. I think more than just the divorce rate would decrease...this is also a health issue. How much healthier would our families be if momma took the time to COOK our food, not warm something up out of a can? I'm not saying every woman has to grind her own flour (though I'm wanting to head that way), I'm just saying making meals from scratch is a way to demonstrate love. Think about college students, military folks, and the like. What do they always say they miss/never get? Home cooked meals. I'm just sayin'.
Another link to the article, just in case you missed the other 4.
Another link to the article, just in case you missed the other 4.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Fathers be good to your daughters
When I was much younger...probably 5 or so, I left "love notes" in my daddy's lunch bucket. I'd wake up every morning, and write something like "Have a good day!", "I love you!" or draw a smiley face on small slips of paper. I'd sneak into the kitchen, and stick them in with his lunch before anyone could see me. I think I only did that a couple of years, but I used to love picturing him opening it and smiling. He really didn't ever say anything about it at home, but I knew he liked it. A couple of times my mom found them in his overalls when she did laundry.
Probably until I was around 8, a few times a week right before bedtime, my dad and I would get into my parent's bed, and call my grandfather (dad's dad). We'd take turns talking to him, and when the call was over, we'd talk about our days for a bit. Afterwards, I'd crawl out of their bed and go to my own room where my mother would be waiting to read me a bedtime story. I used to look forward to talking to my Papaw, and daddy before bed. It was our thing.
Sometimes in the evenings, my dad and I would sit and watch TV together. He'd sit on the floor at my feet and hand me a brush, to have me brush his scalp. You see, my father is completely bald...only about 8 hairs on his head...maybe. I've never seen him with hair (other than the afore mentioned 8). He's got a very shiny head...looks like a Milk Dud. :-) Anyway, he said he loved it when I brushed his scalp, and honestly, so did I.
May 2005, I'd finished my first year at Baylor, and my parents had come up to help me move out of the dorm and back home for the summer. They had a UHaul trailer hitched to their truck, and we'd just finished putting everything in. We'd been on the road about an hour or so and my mom was talking to me about something, when from the back I heard a very quiet, "She drives like me" from my dad. It was an unexpectedly, intensely sweet moment. I'm sure he doesn't know I heard him, and I don't think he wanted me to. I looked in the rear view mirror and caught him looking at me, and smiling to himself.
Zooming into the more recent past, a couple of weeks ago when my father was in the hospital, I went back to East TX to be with him. I was there 5 nights, and I spent 4 of those nights in the hospital in a chair right next to his bed (I made my mom sleep on the fold out bed across the room). At night he didn't sleep very well, so neither did I. If he moved even a little bit, I'd wake up. I imagine that's what it's like when you have a newborn.
Don't get me wrong, my father and I had a horrible relationship for the longest time during my pre-teen/teen years, but things have gotten better. As it turns out, we both secretly loved each other very much, but the only one who knew it was my mom. Every once in a while she tells me of comments he made about me when I was younger...things he did for me, sacrifices he's made even now...for his "little dumpling". He's absolutely adored me all my life, and I never would have really known if not for my mom telling me.
This brings me to my point...Fathers: TELL your children (especially your daughters) how much you love them, and back it up with your actions. Be intentional about creating special moments with them, so that they'll have those fond memories to reflect on when they get older. Mothers: Encourage your husbands to be great fathers. Help him understand how important the father-daughter relationship is, and how essential it is that his children see AND hear how much he loves them.
Probably until I was around 8, a few times a week right before bedtime, my dad and I would get into my parent's bed, and call my grandfather (dad's dad). We'd take turns talking to him, and when the call was over, we'd talk about our days for a bit. Afterwards, I'd crawl out of their bed and go to my own room where my mother would be waiting to read me a bedtime story. I used to look forward to talking to my Papaw, and daddy before bed. It was our thing.
Sometimes in the evenings, my dad and I would sit and watch TV together. He'd sit on the floor at my feet and hand me a brush, to have me brush his scalp. You see, my father is completely bald...only about 8 hairs on his head...maybe. I've never seen him with hair (other than the afore mentioned 8). He's got a very shiny head...looks like a Milk Dud. :-) Anyway, he said he loved it when I brushed his scalp, and honestly, so did I.
May 2005, I'd finished my first year at Baylor, and my parents had come up to help me move out of the dorm and back home for the summer. They had a UHaul trailer hitched to their truck, and we'd just finished putting everything in. We'd been on the road about an hour or so and my mom was talking to me about something, when from the back I heard a very quiet, "She drives like me" from my dad. It was an unexpectedly, intensely sweet moment. I'm sure he doesn't know I heard him, and I don't think he wanted me to. I looked in the rear view mirror and caught him looking at me, and smiling to himself.
Zooming into the more recent past, a couple of weeks ago when my father was in the hospital, I went back to East TX to be with him. I was there 5 nights, and I spent 4 of those nights in the hospital in a chair right next to his bed (I made my mom sleep on the fold out bed across the room). At night he didn't sleep very well, so neither did I. If he moved even a little bit, I'd wake up. I imagine that's what it's like when you have a newborn.
Don't get me wrong, my father and I had a horrible relationship for the longest time during my pre-teen/teen years, but things have gotten better. As it turns out, we both secretly loved each other very much, but the only one who knew it was my mom. Every once in a while she tells me of comments he made about me when I was younger...things he did for me, sacrifices he's made even now...for his "little dumpling". He's absolutely adored me all my life, and I never would have really known if not for my mom telling me.
This brings me to my point...Fathers: TELL your children (especially your daughters) how much you love them, and back it up with your actions. Be intentional about creating special moments with them, so that they'll have those fond memories to reflect on when they get older. Mothers: Encourage your husbands to be great fathers. Help him understand how important the father-daughter relationship is, and how essential it is that his children see AND hear how much he loves them.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
To live is Christ, to die is gain
So often it seems Christianity is portrayed as something that makes you weaker, more timid...a person afraid of their own shadow. It's more fun to reticule and torment Christians, because their beliefs keep them from doing anything about it other than thanking and blessing you. The truth is...being a real Christian takes uber amounts of courage. The awesome thing is...the courage comes from Christ and His love. This week, I've been faced with my father's mortality. Understanding and really believing the fact that if you don't have Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, you will go to Hell takes on a whole new context in times like these.
A friend and I were talking about how it seems we (Christians) tend to be a bit more afraid to witness to our own family members or close friends for various reasons. The idea that once you put that out there and call someone a sinner...and that those words can't be taken back sort of glues your tongue to the roof of your mouth. We desperately don't want to be that person. These thoughts crossed my mind as I was considering whether or not I could/would talk to my father about Jesus. It's important not to let DNA get your thoughts all twisted around. The fact that you don't want your loved one to spend an eternity in the fiery pits of Hell, separated from Jesus forever should be just the can o'spinach you need to drive you to unashamedly witness to them. My thought is...I can live with the awkwardness that can sometimes come from being that person, but they can't live without Jesus.
A friend and I were talking about how it seems we (Christians) tend to be a bit more afraid to witness to our own family members or close friends for various reasons. The idea that once you put that out there and call someone a sinner...and that those words can't be taken back sort of glues your tongue to the roof of your mouth. We desperately don't want to be that person. These thoughts crossed my mind as I was considering whether or not I could/would talk to my father about Jesus. It's important not to let DNA get your thoughts all twisted around. The fact that you don't want your loved one to spend an eternity in the fiery pits of Hell, separated from Jesus forever should be just the can o'spinach you need to drive you to unashamedly witness to them. My thought is...I can live with the awkwardness that can sometimes come from being that person, but they can't live without Jesus.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I've discovered this wonderful website on Biblical womanhood.
www.biblicalwomanhoodonline.com
I stumbled across it when I was searching for a good recipe for homemade pizza crust (I tried the one from the website and it was fabulous). Check out the courtship story, it's incredibly sweet. I think it's well past time for courtship to make a comeback.
www.biblicalwomanhoodonline.com
I stumbled across it when I was searching for a good recipe for homemade pizza crust (I tried the one from the website and it was fabulous). Check out the courtship story, it's incredibly sweet. I think it's well past time for courtship to make a comeback.
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