Please don't stop the music!

I was driving back to my parents house after a long day at work and some significant time killing, when I started thinking about heaven. At work, while I was baking my frillionth cookie and rethinking some of my life choices, I tuned into what the chef was saying to one of the sous chefs. I'm not sure what lead to the conversation, but I heard the chef suddenly say, "So what are you going to do when you die?". My ears perked up, and the sous chef said, "Nothing happens when you die. You're just dead and in the ground." For the next 7 minutes or so, the chef talked to this woman about Hell, The Bible, God and salvation. I just sat, mesmerized by how he did it so lovingly, firmly and all while chopping veggies (she chopped chicken). He didn't making it a "thing" he just told her Hell is real, so is God and you need Jesus. Apparently, he'd given her a Bible before and she didn't really do anything with it. This time was different I guess, because she asked questions. He gave her suggestions as to what to read first in the Bible, and explained how the copy he'd given her was different from her mother's Catholic Bible. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it! Sure, I've had several conversations about faith while at work and have had the chance to even pray with a few people, but usually it's with believers who are struggling with their faith or occasionally commenting on something someone says. The man saw an opportunity and jumped in without hesitation! That's how it's supposed to be! After the conversation came to a natural end, they went about their business, no awkwardness, no anger, just more chopping, stirring and serving up tasty food. Since it blessed me, I thought I'd bless you with that little tidbit.

Something else that rustled up the heavenly thoughts was listening to the radio. Given that I spend roughly 1.5 hours in the car a day (on a good day), I have ample opportunity to listen to the radio and my CDs. I love worship music that doesn't point you towards itself, but towards God. There are some groups and some songs that make so much ruckus and are so distracting that God completely gets washed out, and you're just left depleted after the emotional adrenaline rush.

Anywho, I was listening to one of my favorite groups when it hit me. Imagine the most intense worship experience you've ever had. I'm talking the point where you thought you just couldn't take anymore. Where God felt so near, you seriously feared you'd be crushed from the weight of Him, blinded by His beauty and struck dumb by His glory. Times all of that by a ka-jillion. That's heaven (to me, at least). Think about it...you may have felt Him all those other times, but in heaven, He'll actually physically BE THERE. Thank goodness we'll have new bodies, because I know my current shell would not be able to withstand heaven unleashed.

How exciting is that? Spending all eternity worshipping the infinitely beautiful, King of kings and Lord of Lords? I'm just gonna say it now, pretty sure the DCB will be reunited and playing continuously. Hallelujah!

Pieces of me

Intimacy is an interesting word. It has different connotations to different people. Much of the time it's linked to romantic relationships and/or sex. In what I've observed of abuse and it's relationship to/with intimacy; it seems emotional intimacy and/or abuse appear to have more of a profound impact on people (especially women) than physical intimacy and/or abuse. I hadn't really thought much about it until recently. Of course, having gone through a handful of emotionally abusive relationships (I hesitate to even use that word, because I'd rather not associate something so negative with a fairly neutral word like relationship), I may be somewhat biased in my opinion. While the physical aspects of each encounter have affected me in various ways, it's the emotional facet of each that has made the most wide-spread, lasting impression on me.

I've come to understand how important emotional boundaries are in relationships. It's about not giving too much of yourself away. I've heard so often about how with each new sexual partner a person has, they are giving a little part of themselves away, and while that may hold some truth, it can be really disheartening to those who've made mistakes in the past and are earnestly trying to do better. There are those people out there who are better at compartmentalizing (though, now that I think about it, this may not be such a great trait after all), than others, so much so, that having various sexual partners doesn't really take much from them. Hopefully that changes when they "do things right" and engage in sexual activity within the context of marriage, as God intends. Being emotionally intimate with someone, in my humble opinion, draws your heart out much more. In the end it can be way more devastating if the relationship ends or has an unexpected outcome. It definitely feels more like you've given yourself away...lost some small part of who you are.

I suppose it is this way, because emotional intimacy requires more vulnerability than physical intimacy. It gets down to the core of who you are. Yourself, unscripted and "naked" is what you're offering to someone in hopes that you will be accepted and loved. "Love me as I am", is your cry. Running into a former lover can be awkward and bring back some pretty shameful memories, but the sting isn't as bad if you weren't quite as emotionally out there. Being around someone with whom you've been unapologetically yourself, but were rejected or in some other fashion, turned away, draws out the most wretched of feelings. In a way, you almost feel dirtier...more exposed.

I say this to caution all of you. Take care not to give yourself away...physically or emotionally. While it may feel like a heavy burden has been lifted from your chest to share those deep, dark secrets or thoughts you've had trapped in the basement of your heart for years, this should only be done sparingly and with much prayer and consideration. Ladies, exercise extreme caution in sharing those thoughts with the men in your life. Guys, while you may feel honored that a woman would trust you enough to share who she is with you, please understand it may be inappropriate for you to encourage such sharing.

Anywho, this video kind of touches on this topic and also gets me in the mood for country dancing tonight. You can do a two-step to this...progressive two-step, I believe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9zmEpg5fGs