Well, it's happened. My 30th birthday has come and gone. Do I feel older? Physically? No. Emotionally? Yes. As a middle schooler, I could not wait to be in my 30s. Little did I know then the stigmas that would be attached to being *gasp* SINGLE and 30...at the same time. I know, I know...terrible. How could I let such a thing happen? Being a 30 year old single black woman in the South must mean I'm too picky, right? Heaven forbid it mean this society is producing a mass amount of a creature called the "man-child" commonly mistaken for a real man. I'm sure our society would never encourage a twisted, warped sense of entitlement in it's young people that leads these beasts to insist on this purpetual childhood where they never have to grow up/nut up, learn about delayed gratification or put someone else's needs before their own. May it never be! Well, guess what, IT BE! Parents are telling their children they are special one too many times, and yeah, here we are. I bet Obama was told he was special a lot.
I am absolutely sickened by the idea that as women get older, they should lower their standards when it comes to finding and keeping a mate. Have we forgotten one key factor? Women get BETTER as we age! As far as appearance goes, we look more grown up, less like the girls on Girls Gone Wild and more like Wonder Woman or Xena-Warrior Princess. Intellectually, we're sharper, wiser, more discerning and not worried about appearing "too smart". We've realized intelligence is sexy! Bear with me on this one (if you are ultra conservative, you may need to turn away), sexually, women peak much later than men (like the 30s/40s). That's all I'm gonna say about that. We are more confident in our abilities and our careers are established. In this day and age, most of us have/are working towards buying our first home and are financially responsible. Many people compare women to a fine wine, but I saw we are more like a good bourbon. The older we get, the more well rounded and smooth we become...without losing our strength. Does this sound like the type of woman who should/has to settle for whatever stagnant, immature caveman wanders out into light after 8 hours of video games to club some unsuspecting vixen over the head, and drag her back to his Cheeto and Axe body spray scented man cave? HELL NO! The only difference between 30somethings and the youngn's out there, is that WE KNOW BETTER! I hear so many young ladies talking about thinking all of the foolishness these little boys out there are doing is "cute" and something they will "grow out of". I am a grown woman...what is wrong with expecting one of my peers to be grown as well? NOTHING! All I can say is, the older I get, the better I get, so a potential mate better bring his A game.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, May 29, 2011
What do you really really want?
One of my guilty pleasures is Sex and the City. Even though the show has been off the air for a while now, I still love watching the reruns. It's a morally bankrupt show, I know, and it's not something I should be filling my mind with, I understand all of these things. This is why I said it was a guilty pleasure. Last night, during one of my all time favorite scenes from the show, I had an epiphany of sorts.
The character Charlotte (who I feel most closely relates to me in both style and personality), broke up with the love of her life, Harry, a short, bald attorney who is Jewish. She converted to Judaism (she was formally Episcopalian) so that he could marry her. They were serious, but he hadn't proposed, and she assumed that once she converted a proposal would be immediate. They got into an argument when she demanded that he "set the date!". He left, and she was heartbroken. Fast forward two weeks, her friends are trying to set up her with people and suggesting she get back out there. She goes to a Jewish singles mixer, and after talking to a really nice guy, realizes she's not ready to date because she's still madly in love with Harry. She turns to scan the room, hoping that by some random chance Harry is there. Of course, he's there, and their eyes meet. She walks over, and begins a heartfelt confession of her "foolishness" and says, "I don't care if we ever get married. Harry, I just want to be with you. If you could just call me or maybe even ask me out again, I would really appreciate it." **Spoiler alert** He then drops on one knee and proposes. Happy ending? We'll see.
Exhibit B is in one of my favorite movies, "He's Just Not That Into You". Jennifer Aniston's character finally comes to a point where she draws a line in the sand and says to her boyfriend (Ben Affleck) of 7 years, "Will you ever marry me?" When he doesn't say anything, she breaks up with him. Over the coming weeks, she goes through being part of her younger sister's wedding and her father having a heart attack. She becomes increasingly upset and lonely. Ben Affleck's character then waltz's in like a knight in tarnished armor and this once wonderfully courageous woman breaks down and says, "I don't care if we ever get married, I just want you for the rest of my life. I am willing to take marriage completely off the table." **Spoiler alter** He then proposes.
What is the moral of these stories? What message does this send? Women: toss your standards, hopes and dreams aside. Do whatever it takes to get a man. Men: wait a woman out. You don't have to rise to clear the bar, just wait until you can slither under it. Don't worry about being a man of character and integrity, one who honors and respects women and provides for his mate. If you wait her out, she'll get so desperate, she'll come crawling to you on your terms. No need to take initiative, she'll eventually do it.I think what's most depressing for me is that I was sucked in by all of this. I was so caught up in the rush that these women got their man in the end, that I didn't think about how they got there. I was kind of proud of both of them for saying "I want to get married", and I overlooked their weakness in the end.
I know, as a general rule, we shouldn't look to media for guidance and life advice, but this is one instance where I see art imitating life. All across the country, and likely the world, scenarios like these are plaid out daily. Women try to be true to themselves, try to hold a certain standard, but in the end the pressure to get a man is too great, and they cave. Women are afraid to expect more. At some point, we started to believe that expecting men to be men would make us seem needy and demanding. Somewhere along the way, having standards guaranteed singleness. We're so afraid of seeming weak, needy, snobby, or unappealing that we can't even let a man open a door for us without a fight. A life of singleness seems far worse a fate than being stuck in a mixed up relationship in which we call all the shots, and our significant other is some sniveling, weak excuse for a man. So many women complain that there are no real men left in society. Of course there aren't, the feminists have locked them all in a basement, labeling them Neanderthals and chauvinistic pigs. Rather than give their guys opportunities to step up and be the kind of man they should be, Charlotte and Aniston's characters crumble. Women today are afraid to wait for what God has for us and just like in musical chairs, we scramble for whatever is left. We leap desperately for what we feel is our last shot.
Psalm 27 verse 14 says it well, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"
The character Charlotte (who I feel most closely relates to me in both style and personality), broke up with the love of her life, Harry, a short, bald attorney who is Jewish. She converted to Judaism (she was formally Episcopalian) so that he could marry her. They were serious, but he hadn't proposed, and she assumed that once she converted a proposal would be immediate. They got into an argument when she demanded that he "set the date!". He left, and she was heartbroken. Fast forward two weeks, her friends are trying to set up her with people and suggesting she get back out there. She goes to a Jewish singles mixer, and after talking to a really nice guy, realizes she's not ready to date because she's still madly in love with Harry. She turns to scan the room, hoping that by some random chance Harry is there. Of course, he's there, and their eyes meet. She walks over, and begins a heartfelt confession of her "foolishness" and says, "I don't care if we ever get married. Harry, I just want to be with you. If you could just call me or maybe even ask me out again, I would really appreciate it." **Spoiler alert** He then drops on one knee and proposes. Happy ending? We'll see.
Exhibit B is in one of my favorite movies, "He's Just Not That Into You". Jennifer Aniston's character finally comes to a point where she draws a line in the sand and says to her boyfriend (Ben Affleck) of 7 years, "Will you ever marry me?" When he doesn't say anything, she breaks up with him. Over the coming weeks, she goes through being part of her younger sister's wedding and her father having a heart attack. She becomes increasingly upset and lonely. Ben Affleck's character then waltz's in like a knight in tarnished armor and this once wonderfully courageous woman breaks down and says, "I don't care if we ever get married, I just want you for the rest of my life. I am willing to take marriage completely off the table." **Spoiler alter** He then proposes.
What is the moral of these stories? What message does this send? Women: toss your standards, hopes and dreams aside. Do whatever it takes to get a man. Men: wait a woman out. You don't have to rise to clear the bar, just wait until you can slither under it. Don't worry about being a man of character and integrity, one who honors and respects women and provides for his mate. If you wait her out, she'll get so desperate, she'll come crawling to you on your terms. No need to take initiative, she'll eventually do it.I think what's most depressing for me is that I was sucked in by all of this. I was so caught up in the rush that these women got their man in the end, that I didn't think about how they got there. I was kind of proud of both of them for saying "I want to get married", and I overlooked their weakness in the end.
I know, as a general rule, we shouldn't look to media for guidance and life advice, but this is one instance where I see art imitating life. All across the country, and likely the world, scenarios like these are plaid out daily. Women try to be true to themselves, try to hold a certain standard, but in the end the pressure to get a man is too great, and they cave. Women are afraid to expect more. At some point, we started to believe that expecting men to be men would make us seem needy and demanding. Somewhere along the way, having standards guaranteed singleness. We're so afraid of seeming weak, needy, snobby, or unappealing that we can't even let a man open a door for us without a fight. A life of singleness seems far worse a fate than being stuck in a mixed up relationship in which we call all the shots, and our significant other is some sniveling, weak excuse for a man. So many women complain that there are no real men left in society. Of course there aren't, the feminists have locked them all in a basement, labeling them Neanderthals and chauvinistic pigs. Rather than give their guys opportunities to step up and be the kind of man they should be, Charlotte and Aniston's characters crumble. Women today are afraid to wait for what God has for us and just like in musical chairs, we scramble for whatever is left. We leap desperately for what we feel is our last shot.
Psalm 27 verse 14 says it well, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
quick thoughts on marriage
The other night, I was sitting and talking to some of the ladies from the shelter. Each was sharing their story, and talking about the different men who'd hurt them at some point in their life. After about an hour, they shuffled off to bed. One came back at about midnight, wanting to chat some more. She began telling me about all the things that went wrong in her marriage. She said her husband called her a bad parent, and in the same breath that she cared too much about the kids. As she was telling me this, she said, "My life is and always will be about my kids," then to my horror, she continued with "if given the choice between him (her husband) and my kids, of course I'm going to chose my kids. He couldn't handle that."
Ladies, respect your husband. He should never be made to feel as if he's disposable!! It doesn't matter if he's not a great leader, if he leaves the clothes on top of the hamper rather than IN the hamper, if he seems unmotivated. Wives are commanded to respect their head! "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Eph 5:33)" Regarding hubby vs babies, your husband is to come out on top. He was there first, your marriage existed before your children. The way I see it, it's like trying to save the shingles on a house that's burning.
Ladies, respect your husband. He should never be made to feel as if he's disposable!! It doesn't matter if he's not a great leader, if he leaves the clothes on top of the hamper rather than IN the hamper, if he seems unmotivated. Wives are commanded to respect their head! "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Eph 5:33)" Regarding hubby vs babies, your husband is to come out on top. He was there first, your marriage existed before your children. The way I see it, it's like trying to save the shingles on a house that's burning.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
1 Peter 3:1-9
" (1) In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
(2) as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
(3) Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
(4) but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
(5) For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;
(6) just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
(7) You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
(8) To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
(9) not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
This passage is what's on my heart at the moment. The first part of this passage reminds me of the saying, "Actions speak louder than words". Think back to all those sitcoms/wifey jokes you've heard. Usually there' s always something about a nagging wife, and how a husband learns to tune her out. She feels that she has to nag, or she won't get what she wants; and he feels that if she didn't nag all the time, he might be more inclinded to listen. Now of course, things are a bit more serious in actuality, but is there ever room for exhortation in a marriage?
Naturally, we (men, women, children) don't like to be told when we're doing something wrong....we hate having our faces shoved in our "mess". There are, however; times when we think our sin is still a secret...that because no one else seems to have noticed it, it must not be a problem. Sometimes it takes that one person...who, in love, gently says, "We need to talk about...". I'm not arguing with the Scripture, God knows what He's talking about; just thought I'd think out loud a bit.
I'm intrigued by the end of v.7 "...so that your prayers will not be hindered". Is this saying that a lack of harmony in your home will lead to such spiritual unrest that you will be unable to pray effectively? I'll do more reading on this.
(2) as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
(3) Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
(4) but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
(5) For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;
(6) just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
(7) You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
(8) To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
(9) not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
This passage is what's on my heart at the moment. The first part of this passage reminds me of the saying, "Actions speak louder than words". Think back to all those sitcoms/wifey jokes you've heard. Usually there' s always something about a nagging wife, and how a husband learns to tune her out. She feels that she has to nag, or she won't get what she wants; and he feels that if she didn't nag all the time, he might be more inclinded to listen. Now of course, things are a bit more serious in actuality, but is there ever room for exhortation in a marriage?
Naturally, we (men, women, children) don't like to be told when we're doing something wrong....we hate having our faces shoved in our "mess". There are, however; times when we think our sin is still a secret...that because no one else seems to have noticed it, it must not be a problem. Sometimes it takes that one person...who, in love, gently says, "We need to talk about...". I'm not arguing with the Scripture, God knows what He's talking about; just thought I'd think out loud a bit.
I'm intrigued by the end of v.7 "...so that your prayers will not be hindered". Is this saying that a lack of harmony in your home will lead to such spiritual unrest that you will be unable to pray effectively? I'll do more reading on this.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Therapist Wanted
Written 4/13/08:
Yesterday (Saturday) we had our 3 game of the season, and....yeah...it was not pretty. We lost 5-1. The kiddos were trying their hardest, so I guess I'm proud of them for that. (For those of you that don't know, I'm coaching a little league soccer team for FBC Waco...1st and 2nd graders). So now we're 1-2...at least we aren't dead last in our league, though. Anyway, we had a new kid join our team today. She's a super cute 7 yr old who has totally traumatized me for life; hence the title of this post. Since we had 8 players show up for the game, I decided to play 6 and have 2 subs.
I'd rotated out the new kid, and she was sitting on the bench next to me watching the game...or so I thought. It turns out she was studying my hand. Suddenly she asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?" I was a bit startled by the question since it seemed so out of the blue...I'd just met this kid like 15 mins before the game, for crying out loud! "Nope, I don't." I replied, wondering what had even brought this up. "Do you have a husband?," she persisted. Looking at my hands, I realized she'd been looking at the silver ring on my right ring finger. "The ring is on my right hand, not my left. Wedding rings go on your left hand. No, I don't have a husband," I explained. "Why not?", came the incredulous response. "Do you have kids?" She'd said this before I had a chance to reply to her previous question. "No, I don't have kids. Right now God wants me to be single, and that's perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend or a husband."
I was having an out of body experience by this point. Physically, I was sitting there calmly answering her prying questions, but my spirit was sitting next to me on the bench staring at her in shock, probably thinking "What a brazen child this is! She has not been taught proper manners! Look at how she speaks to me!" Truth be told, she was quite calm and matter-of-fact about the whole thing. To her it just seemed odd that someone of my apparent old age, wouldn't be married with children. I thought she was done with her questioning, but no...oh no.
"Don't you want children, Coach Jen?" She may as well have stabbed me right in the heart. "Don't you want a husband?" At this point I looked around wondering was this actually happening. The assistant coach, one of my friends, had heard much of the exchanged and walked away snickering to herself, before these last two shots were fired in my heart. For a minute, I didn't know what to say. Should I explain about not always getting what we want?
Ugh...this is one of those "guide their hearts" moments people are always talking about. I thought for a second, then turned to face her a bit more fully. "Yes, I do want children...and a husband very much, but you see...God has a different plan for me right now. God knows what I need, and when I need it. He will give me a husband and children at just the right time, because His timing is perfect. So it's okay that I'm not married and I don't have kids right now." She seemed to be processing that answer...not sure if she understood it fully, or what. After a few seconds of silence, she said, "My parents are married." Honestly, I was still feeling a tiny bit wounded from her original interrogation. The desire to have children is frequently at the forefront of my mind, but the desire for a husband...well...it waxes and wanes a bit. (Weird, and horribly backwards, I know) For the past couple of days, however; both urges had waged war on my heart. Children are like arrows...they get to the heart of things. Ah...the quiverful movement.
Anywho, I decided to fire some questions back at hear, just to make sure I wasn't missing another teaching moment. "Do you have a boyfriend?" The look she gave me was quite comical. "I'm 7," she said...somewhat exasperatedly. Laughing, I said, "True. I was just making sure." A smile slowly spread over her cute face, "My daddy says I'm not allowed to date...ever. That's okay with me. Boys are kinda weird, but it's still okay to play soccer with them." Where has this kid been all my life? "That's right, it's fun to play soccer with them. Your daddy is very smart, dating isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's better to wait as long as possible. Being friends with boys is good enough." We both kinda laughed, and turned to watch the game. Her earlier inquiries are still haunting me, though. They echo the same things I've been asking God as of late...especially in light of the recent developments in my life. Oh well. To quote the lovely Ms. Sheryl Crow, "Everyday is a winding road...I get a little bit closer...everyday is a faded sign...I get a little bit closer to feelin' fine."
Yesterday (Saturday) we had our 3 game of the season, and....yeah...it was not pretty. We lost 5-1. The kiddos were trying their hardest, so I guess I'm proud of them for that. (For those of you that don't know, I'm coaching a little league soccer team for FBC Waco...1st and 2nd graders). So now we're 1-2...at least we aren't dead last in our league, though. Anyway, we had a new kid join our team today. She's a super cute 7 yr old who has totally traumatized me for life; hence the title of this post. Since we had 8 players show up for the game, I decided to play 6 and have 2 subs.
I'd rotated out the new kid, and she was sitting on the bench next to me watching the game...or so I thought. It turns out she was studying my hand. Suddenly she asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?" I was a bit startled by the question since it seemed so out of the blue...I'd just met this kid like 15 mins before the game, for crying out loud! "Nope, I don't." I replied, wondering what had even brought this up. "Do you have a husband?," she persisted. Looking at my hands, I realized she'd been looking at the silver ring on my right ring finger. "The ring is on my right hand, not my left. Wedding rings go on your left hand. No, I don't have a husband," I explained. "Why not?", came the incredulous response. "Do you have kids?" She'd said this before I had a chance to reply to her previous question. "No, I don't have kids. Right now God wants me to be single, and that's perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend or a husband."
I was having an out of body experience by this point. Physically, I was sitting there calmly answering her prying questions, but my spirit was sitting next to me on the bench staring at her in shock, probably thinking "What a brazen child this is! She has not been taught proper manners! Look at how she speaks to me!" Truth be told, she was quite calm and matter-of-fact about the whole thing. To her it just seemed odd that someone of my apparent old age, wouldn't be married with children. I thought she was done with her questioning, but no...oh no.
"Don't you want children, Coach Jen?" She may as well have stabbed me right in the heart. "Don't you want a husband?" At this point I looked around wondering was this actually happening. The assistant coach, one of my friends, had heard much of the exchanged and walked away snickering to herself, before these last two shots were fired in my heart. For a minute, I didn't know what to say. Should I explain about not always getting what we want?
Ugh...this is one of those "guide their hearts" moments people are always talking about. I thought for a second, then turned to face her a bit more fully. "Yes, I do want children...and a husband very much, but you see...God has a different plan for me right now. God knows what I need, and when I need it. He will give me a husband and children at just the right time, because His timing is perfect. So it's okay that I'm not married and I don't have kids right now." She seemed to be processing that answer...not sure if she understood it fully, or what. After a few seconds of silence, she said, "My parents are married." Honestly, I was still feeling a tiny bit wounded from her original interrogation. The desire to have children is frequently at the forefront of my mind, but the desire for a husband...well...it waxes and wanes a bit. (Weird, and horribly backwards, I know) For the past couple of days, however; both urges had waged war on my heart. Children are like arrows...they get to the heart of things. Ah...the quiverful movement.
Anywho, I decided to fire some questions back at hear, just to make sure I wasn't missing another teaching moment. "Do you have a boyfriend?" The look she gave me was quite comical. "I'm 7," she said...somewhat exasperatedly. Laughing, I said, "True. I was just making sure." A smile slowly spread over her cute face, "My daddy says I'm not allowed to date...ever. That's okay with me. Boys are kinda weird, but it's still okay to play soccer with them." Where has this kid been all my life? "That's right, it's fun to play soccer with them. Your daddy is very smart, dating isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's better to wait as long as possible. Being friends with boys is good enough." We both kinda laughed, and turned to watch the game. Her earlier inquiries are still haunting me, though. They echo the same things I've been asking God as of late...especially in light of the recent developments in my life. Oh well. To quote the lovely Ms. Sheryl Crow, "Everyday is a winding road...I get a little bit closer...everyday is a faded sign...I get a little bit closer to feelin' fine."
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