Home sweet home

As of late, I have been positively consumed with Biblical womanhood. There is an absolute plethora of information out there on this subject! I've stumbled across TONS of really good websites that have given me much in encouragement in this area. If possible there are even more BLOGS kept by some pretty amazing women. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading about their daily struggles, triumphs, heartaches and moments of outright JOY! Though, I have a fair amount of knowledge on homemaking just from my education and upbringing, I've learned much from these blogs and websites. Everything from "frugal living" to "how to make your home smell yummy." Homemaking and femininity are looked down upon in our society. The ideas of staying home to raise your children, and instilling the importance of family and God, are lost upon my generation. One blog, written by an older homemaker (I think her children are grown, and out of the nest), had helpful tips and advice for women who didn't have a "homemaking mentor".

This got me to thinking about my own upbringing. The more I get to know different people, the more grateful for my mother I become. She, taught me SO much about cooking, sewing, and making a house a home. There wasn't a formal "training", but rather, she just lived her life, and I learned untold numbers of valuable lessons from it. I remember when I was about 4 years old, I saw her sewing at the kitchen one day, and I walked up and said, "whatcha doin?". She said simply said, "sewing." Next thing ya know, I'd climbed up into one of the chairs next to her and started imitating her movements. She didn't really say anything, but rather, corrected me when I'd mess up (which was fairly often). I've been sewing ever since then. The same sort of thing happened with cooking.

I always loved to help her in the kitchen, or just to watch what she was doing. Every once in a while, she'd let me experiment by myself. Sometimes, if we'd seen some new and interesting food on TV, like an exotic fruit or new way of preparing something, she'd take me to the library, and we'd look up books about it. Then, the next time we went to the grocery store, we'd get it. The real fun when we'd come home and try it. It wasn't that my mom was a Suzy Homemaker type, but more that she just did the things she'd been taught by her mother. As for the food experiments, we did those because SHE was genuinely interested in trying new things, and wanted to satisfy her own curiosity.

When I have friends over for supper, it's so interesting to see what they do when they arrive, it says a lot about their upbringing. Usually guys will just go hang out in the living room, but the women do one of two things: 1.) They offer to help or 2.) They sit at the table, and watch me cook. Naturally, the women who grew up helping their mother in the kitchen, automatically offer to help, and the women who didn't, just sit and watch. I'm saddened that so many young women today know nothing about homemaking, because it has virtually nothing to do with being a domestic slave; it's about knowing how to manage your affairs. I guess this post is really just one, big "THANK YOU" to my mom, because as I read the blogs of these joyful homemakers and their many "adventures", I'm grateful to my mother for giving me a foundation from which to spring forth. Hopefully, someday I will be able to use my knowledge and abilities in an extended disco version way...when/if the Lord ever blesses me with a husband and a duck line of babies, but for now...I'm gonna go sit in my recliner and enjoy this tiny haven I've come to call home.

candles burning at both ends.

On Friday, my mother will turn 61. With each passing year I take a closer and closer look at my parents' mortality. This may sound morbid to some of you, but others of you are probably nodding your heads in understanding. The older my parents get (my father will be 61 in October), the more I think about my own lot in life and the lots of my siblings. As some of you may know, I do have two biological siblings. A sister, 37; and a brother, 38. I don't have a working relationship with either, and I mainly know about their lives through the bits and pieces I get from our parents (even now it feels weird saying our parents). Both my brother and sister each have a child, and my sister has been married for 15 years. Now you may be wondering how my parents' mortality ties in with my brother and sister. You see, the older my parents get, and the more single I get (okay, so maybe singleness doesn't really increase, but occasionally it feels that way); the more resentment becomes a concern. Given our family medical history, I'm somewhat concerned about how many "good years" my parents have left.

The resentment comes in when I start thinking about all the things my parents have shared with my significantly older siblings. They (my sibs) got my parents when they were a young, fresh, newly wed couple. Both got the "new parent" smell. They were involved with all kinds of things, and their childhoods were like the Golden Ages. They got to go through their 20s and finding their way in life when my parents were middle aged. My father walked my sister down the isle. I remember when he had "the talk" with my future brother-in-law before he proposed. Facing my parents' mortality as a single woman scares the crap out of me. I think back to how they took care of my paternal grandfather during his last years of life, and I know they couldn't have done it without each other. Christians, I know we aren't supposed to worry about tomorrow, nor what we shall eat, drink or wear, because God will handle it, but that doesn't mean that I don't.

What if my parents pass away before I finally get established in a career, marriage, or in some other way? What if the Lord FINALLY blesses me with children, and my parents are there to share in that? Sometimes I find myself anxious to give them grandchildren just to "make it up to them". They were definitely part of the movement of "grandparents as parents". They practically had to raise my nephew (who is 15 now), because in someways, I feel my sister wasn't ready to be a mother...and she didn't chose a husband wisely. They haven't gotten to be just grandparents, because I was only 10 when my nephew was born. So not only did they have the mid-life child to raise, but they had to start over again with a grandchild that lived with them off and on.

I guess, if I'm honest, I'd say I want to make them proud. I want to be the child that has a good working relationship with both of them, went to college, got married, had a family and was just a well behaved, Christian woman. I want them to see that before it's too late. So this is where the resentment that my brother and sister "got them first", comes from. I feel as if I now have half the time to be 4 times better. Not to mention, I don't want to face their mortality as a single person because I know I will NEED the love and support of someone who's there "for better or for worse". This may sound old fashioned, but I sometimes sense that my father worries about whether or not I'll be taken care of if anything ever happened to them. Just something to think about: what do you want your parents to see happen in your life before they pass? Brings new meaning to the words "die happy", huh?