Thoughts on communication

Something I've been thinking about lately is the communication, specifically interpersonal communication. Finding the balance between listening to the person or people you're conversing with, and contributing your own thoughts to the conversation can sometimes be difficult to do. I feel people tend to be a bit misguided in the art of active listening. Here are some communication tips that I find useful (I'm by no means, an expert, but I've learned a few things over the years):

Active listening does not mean you're continuously interrupting the speaker to ask questions about what they've said or to paraphrase the entire conversation thus far. If the speaker can't get a full sentence out without being interrupted, they don't feel like you've been listening to them.

Speakers generally have an ebb/flow pattern in their speech that lends itself to allowing their audience to "break in" with the occasional question or remark, and during the "ebb" is the time to show you've been listening.

To go along with the last tip, speakers need to help their listeners by taking a breath every so often. Basically, break up the long windedness. If you feel like you've been talking too much...you probably have.

Remember, you're not the only one with something to say. If you've just introduced a new topic or you've been laying out an argument for a while, stop talking, and give others a chance to speak to what you just said.

Take your cue from the amount of time other people have been talking, if you're in a group setting. If you're going around the group sharing information or introducing yourself, pay attention to what others have said before you. For example, if everyone else has said "Hi, my name is Jane Doe, and I'm from Pickleton, North Dakota. I attend Snazzleton University, where I'm studying Deep sea fly fishing" or something along those lines...you should follow suit. Do not go into a 10 minute rant about what you hate about said major or your hometown, then follow that by another 10 minute rant what you thought of a certain class you took, and so on and so forth.

Pay attention to the setting of your conversation. If the person you're speaking to is obviously doing something (working, talking on the phone, rushing to a destination, etc.), realize this isn't the best time to talk to them. Unless the information you have to share is of an urgent nature, save it until it's more convenient for them to listen.

Along those lines...if you and a friend (or someone who you're already in an established relationship with) are going to a social event together, do not dominate that person's time and isolate them from everyone else. You have ample opportunity to speak with them at other times, so this is not the proper setting to carry on a 20 minute conversation with them.

One last tip...if you find yourself thinking "man, everyone else has been really quiet", that probably means you've been talking too much.