QT4ME

It's funny how friends can help you get to know yourself. Randomly, I decided to take some little online Love Language quiz, not too long ago. I was mildly surprised by the results, thinking my primary love language was Physical Touch. Its actually, Quality Time. When I mentioned this to one of my girlfriends, she immediately said, "I can see that." Curious, I asked how she could know something like that. Her response kind of took me aback. "It's what you ask for," she said, as if I should kinda have known that.

Looking back on my friendships, and how I judge the status of a friendship, and how I feel friendships grow; her reply makes total sense. Any of my friends will tell you, I always want to spend time with them when possible...preferably one-on-one. Sitting with someone one-on-one and opening up about life is how I know I'm loved/valued. The love comes from knowing that the other person has trusted me enough to make themselves vulnerable and that they want to be around me. When starting a new friendship, I absolutely ACHE to know everything about the other person, and in turn, I want to share my heart and passions with them. I love finally getting to the stage in a relationship where you can communicate tons of information with each other without saying a word.

I guess this is why it always hurts very deeply when I encounter someone who doesn't really want to share anything with me, nor do they want any one-on-one time with me. Now please don't misunderstand me in all of this. I'm not strictly talking about romantic relationships. This applies to both platonic (male or female) and romantic relationships. One thing I've noticed about myself is that quality time with a new acquaintance is the thing I'm most afraid to ask for. Given that, QT = love, it makes sense. If that person rejects me, or if the QT is compromised by lack of connection/interest, I could somewhat easily walk away from the situation feeling extremely hurt.

Understand this, quality time is not simply just being around another person. It's actually FOCUSING your attention on them exclusively for a sustained period of time. It's about sharing your life with them, and making them feel comfortable enough to share their life with you. I don't know about others, but for me specifically, it's not about sharing abstract theories/theologies, intellectual debates, and impersonal musings. It's about communicating the things you're passionate about, sharing bits and pieces of the events/moments that have gotten you to where you are, and dialoging about where you hope to be.